Zombies vs. Vampires, which is better?

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Vampires and zombies are essentially the same: they are both dead, they both feed on people, and both can turn people into themselves.  I fell bad for zombies though because lots of people want to be vampires but nobody wants to be a zombie. 

When is the last time you saw a movie or read a book that put zombies in a good light or showed the sensitive side of zombies?  Or when is the last time you heard someone say, “You know I wish I was a zombie.”

Zombie life is much less romantic than vampire life.  Vampires own mansions, zombies just surprise you in a room of a mansion.  Vampires wear fine Italian clothing.  Zombies were torn street clothes.  Vampires don’t age; zombies look like they are dead.  Vampires speak eloquently; zombies can barely speak a full sentence. 

I guess people like vampires more than zombies because if a vampire turns you into one of them, that really isn’t that bad, maybe it’s a step up or a step down.  But if a Zombie turns you into one of them, that is a huge step down.  Being a zombie has the same status quo as a hot dog concession stand worker for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

The Twilight Saga was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment

Twilight Vampires Diamonds

Twilight Vampires Diamonds

Someone told me that they didn’t like Twilight Saga, because the books have a bad moral of “girls can tame a savage beast or girls change can change a monster”.  Another person said that the moral of Twilight was that true love conquers all. 

I don’t think the Twilight Saga had a moral to it, I think Twilight series was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment.   Twilight is similar to a story about someone who lives in a land made entirely of candy.  A story about someone living in candy land wasn’t written for morals, it was written so people could salivate about candy for 320 pages.

Here are the following reasons why I think the Twilight Saga was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment. 

1. Vampires shine like diamonds in the sunlight. 

That is pure fantasy.  Vampires burn in the sunlight. They are creatures of the night, not creatures that blend in well at a jewelry store.

2.  Edward and Bella have a baby, even though vampires can’t have kids. 

In the Twilight books it is rare, but some vampires have powers including: mind reading, tracking, or lie detection.  In Edwards’s case, his power was determined to be incubus   fertilization, or the ability to have kids.  That is a women’s fantasy, you are in love with a man who can’t have a kid, and just by pure luck and chance he is able to get one through.

3.  When Bella was pregnant in Breaking Dawn she was pregnant for about a month. 

Many women don’t look forward to pregnancy because of: the gas, bloating, maternity clothes, and morning sickness.  The idea of a women being able to go through a one month pregnancy instead of a nine month pregnancy before giving birth to a healthy baby is every women’s fantasy.

The reality of vampires

Entering your home, Vampires vs. Jehovah’s Witnesses

Entering your home, Vampires vs. Jehovah’s Witnesses

People watch Twilight and True Blood and they think that vampires are cool, hot, and suave. 

Vampires are nothing like that, vampires are just old people.  If you think your grandparents were stingy because they lived through the great depression, vampires on average have lived through four depressions.  If a vampire ever takes you out to dinner; don’t order a meal over ten dollars, unless you want to completely stop the conversation and get dirty looks for the rest of the night.  Vampires don’t like to spend money on food because they don’t work.  All they do is sleep all day long.   They just leech off the rest of us and suck us dry.            

Vampires are also boring to talk to.  All they talk about is blood, talk about a one-track mind.  I usually can only take about 14 minutes of that, before I suddenly become late for a dental appointment.  

You know how Jehovah Witnesses show up to your door and try to convert you.  Vampires are just like that.  All they care about is turning you.  Fortunately with vampires, they have to ask you before they can enter your house.  Jehovah Witnesses can just barge right in. 

Movies and books hold vampires to such a high standard, they always shown them wearing fine Italian clothing and living in extravagant mansions.  People never think about a vampire and visualize them shopping at Wal-Mart or renting a one bedroom apartment, but that is actually closer to the truth; because it’s hard holding down a job when you’re a vampire.  Not only do you have to work the night shift, but everyone at your job always thinks your high with your red eyes. 

Vampire: “I am not high, vampires genetically have red eyes. Actually it’s more of a curse than genetics.  But I mean come on, curse, genetics… it’s the same thing.  Are you going to tell me someone with attached ear lobes isn’t cursed?”

Vampire families are totally dysfunctional.  We might have issues with siblings, parents, or step parents, but at least we are related.  Vampire families are made up of totally random people they decided to bite (or turn) over the years.  Vampires don’t have blood relatives like you and me.  They just say they have blood relatives because they like puns.    

Our “human” family disputes aren’t so bad when you think about it, because humans only live about 90 years. Vampires live a long time, maybe forever.  Would you rather have a fight with your mom for 40 years or 400 years?

A vampire’s apartment

A vampire’s apartment

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