I like things that taste like pumpkin as long as it is not pumpkin

Pumpkin flavored items

Pumpkin flavored items

Fall is great because you get to try all those pumpkin flavored items. But it must suck for the true pumpkin fans because they have to deal with all the pumpkin posers. Pumpkin posers love pumpkin flavored: beer, coffee, cookies and can’t seem to get enough of them.

But try to give them a can of pumpkin and they vanish. Pumpkin posers love pumpkin, but only when they are at a safe distance away from actually eating pumpkin. Pumpkin posers basically set up gated communities that only let pumpkin flavors in and keep all the canned pumpkin filling and pumpkin puree out.

I love that canned pumpkin brands brag about how their product contains 100 percent pure pumpkin. It is actually cheaper for the business to sell pumpkin filling that is 100 percent pure pumpkin. Pumpkin is basically the cheapest thing they can put in the can.

Many companies sell canned pumpkin that is 100 percent pure pumpkin. But they don’t advertise that on the can because that would decrease pumpkin sales. They don’t want to call more attention to pumpkin nature of their product.

Customer: “Wait, I am buying pumpkin!?! What am I doing?!?”

Most people would probably prefer to buy pumpkin filling that is only 90 percent pure pumpkin. That way they would think, “thank gosh it‘s only 90 percent pumpkin.”

Halloween and pumpkin patches

Amount of pumpkin patches lost each year.

Amount of pumpkin patches lost each year.

Every year people participate in that late October tradition… the slaughtering of the pumpkin species for Halloween.  Every year people gather pumpkins they don’t plan to eat, cut out their innards, and display their flaming corpse for all to see.  People take slaughtering pumpkins so seriously that they have knives made specially for cutting pumpkins.  When people are done carving their pumpkins for Halloween, they either eat the pumpkin seeds or throw them away in a garbage bags to ensure that they will never grow into a new pumpkin.   

Every year for Halloween people cut down an area of pumpkin patches equal to the size of Rode Island.  The loss of those pumpkins patches decreases the overall oxygen supply on earth and drives dozens of species to the verge of extinction that are dependent on the pumpkin patches’ nutrients and shelter.  Some people believe that pumpkin populations are safe and that people are doing a good job preserving the pumpkin species. 

But let me ask you this.  When was the last time you saw a wild pumpkin growing in the wild? 

The pumpkin version of deforestation.

The pumpkin version of deforestation.

%d bloggers like this: