Jello is not a dessert

Jello has trouble fitting in with desserts.

Jello has trouble fitting in with desserts.

I was at a work potluck where everyone brought a dish. I went to the dessert table and to my horror the cookies were gone and there were only two types of Jello dishes left.

Jello is not a dessert. When is the last time you were in a restaurant and ordered Jello?

Customer: What is the Jello of the day?
Waiter: Red
Customer: mmm.. that sounds good, I will have that!

Jello is food for people who don’t have a choice what they eat, so people in hospitals and prisons. If I was incarcerated for breaking the law I would be ok with eating Jello because I am paying for my actions.

But if I am a law abiding citizen or haven’t been caught, I shouldn’t have to eat Jello.

Small kids like it because they don’t know about the world. They think living on the moon is a good idea.

You know the Great Depression was tough, because people came out of it thinking Jello was a real treat. Nobody came out of the Great Recession thinking Jello was a treat.

People with Dentures like Jello because it is easy to chew, it is the exact opposite of corn.

Jello is good for weight loss. I can bake a dozen cookies and eat them in an hour. But Jello takes five hours to make, set, and eat. I much prefer Jello’s five hour binge eating fuse over cookies’ one hour fuse. It gives me more time to change my mind or get caught.

Why employee theft is good

Employee theft and employee turnover

Employee theft and employee turnover

I don’t know why people are against employee theft.  Employee theft is good.  I would have left my job months ago, if it weren’t for the excellent employee theft opportunities as part of my overall compensation package. 

If an employee steals from his company or organization, that is then an incentive for the employee to work there longer.  That then decreases employee turnover for the company.  Sometimes the cost of replacing an employee can be two to three times the employee’s salary.  Employee theft saves companies billions of dollars every year with decreased employee turnover, increased productivity, and increased efficiency.

But it is difficult to promote employee theft at work.  You can’t just give your employees bonuses for stealing, because if employees have more money, they will be happier and have less of an incentive to steal.

The best way to promote employee theft is to treat your employees bad, pay them worse, and leave lots of large unprotected boxes out in the open.  But companies and organizations aren’t the only ones that benefit from employee theft; employees benefit too.  They have all this cool stuff lying around their homes.
           
*Warning:  Employee theft conflicts with good morals, and will probably result in termination and legal action.

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