I don’t think my buddy would share his Powerball winnings with me.

Social acceptance of Powerball tickets

Social acceptance of Powerball tickets

I like it when the Powerball is over 700 million dollars. Because when it’s that high, it’s socially acceptable to buy Powerball tickets. When the Powerball is at 100 million dollars, tickets are viewed as malt liquor. But when the jackpot is over 700 million, tickets are viewed as a Cabernet Franc from Bordeaux.

I told eight of my closest friends if I won the Powerball jackpot I would give them each a million dollars. They said they would give me a million dollars if they won too.

I said, “Forget that, I don’t trust ya, I need that in writing.”

Once you talk about sharing Powerball winnings, you’re basically business partners in a startup. There’s millions of dollars coming in, rapid expansion, fancy furniture, people whispering into each other’s ear. I don’t want to have one Powerball business completely destroy a relationship.

So to avoid tensions down the road I drafted vaguely valid bilateral contracts spelling out the buddy sharing schedule for the improbable contingency of a won jackpot.

But for the buddies that irritate me, I make sure that those contracts are signed at 3 a.m., in international waters, when we are drunk. That way the contract has a chance of being voidable and there’s a little wiggle room if needed.

Dictators and body doubles

Body double confusion

Body double confusion

It would suck being friends with a dictator because they always use body doubles. You could make plans to go to a restaurant and it is basically a blind date, you don’t know who is going to show up. It could be your buddy the dictator or one of his body doubles.

If you show up and it is one of the body doubles, you can’t leave because that would arouse suspicion. So you have to spend the entire evening talking to a complete stranger. Also the dictator probably avoided the restaurant because he suspected danger, so now you and the body double have to spend the rest of the evening looking for assassins and posion in the food.

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