States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL

Syncing up with Dark Side of the moon

Syncing up with Dark Side of the moon

The two states that have legalized marijuana both have teams going to the Super Bowl. That isn’t fair. Marijuana gives those teams an unfair advantage just like Gatorade did with the Florida Gators in the 60’s. The Gators won the Orange Bowl in 1966 because they had Gatorade and the other team didn’t.

Marijuana gives teams a level of team unity and comradery that doesn’t exist naturally. Football teams are supposed to be full of hotheads and showboats. But marijuana unites those players like the Von Trapp family or a badass eleven cat Voltron. They stay up together forever detailing the symbolism of SpongeBob or they review game tape obsessively, seeing if it syncs up with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon.

Marijuana needs to be legalized in every state so teams have the same access to it. Or the NFL needs to establish team weed caps, so that the league stays competitive. Then if a team breaks their weed cap, they would face a weed cap reduction or be forced to forfeit draft picks.

States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL.

States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL.

Detroit on Thanksgiving Day

Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving Day

Detroit Lions on Thanksgiving Day

For the last nine years, the Detroit Lions have lost all of their Thanksgiving Day football games.

But that’s not all their fault. The NFL always schedules them to play vastly superior teams on that day.

From 2004 to now the Lions have averaged five wins a season and on Thanksgiving Day the NFL schedules them to play teams that average eleven wins a season. That is crazy!

In 2012 they played the Houston Texans who were the second overall ranked team.

In 2011 they played the 15-1 Green Bay Packers.

In 2010 they played the 14-2 New England Patriots.

I don’t understand why the NFL doesn’t give Detroit a break and have them play the Browns one year.

The NFL is determined to make it a holiday tradition that on Thanksgiving the Lions get stuffed like a turkey.

Condoms and the 2012 London Olympics

2012 London Olympic Games

2012 London Olympic Games

The Olympics provided 15 condoms to each athlete at the 2012 Olympic games.

That is 50 percent more condoms than were provided during the 2008 Olympic games in Beijing.

I think the Olympics provide lots of condoms to the athletes to try to stop each country’s valuable athletic DNA from being stolen by the host country.

If foreign athletes hook up and have babies with residents of the host country; that host country has an unfair advantage in future Olympic games, because in 20 years those athletically gifted babies will be ready to compete in future Olympic Games.

Countries are already mad that the Nobel Peace Prize is hosted in Norway every year and that no condoms are provided to the recipients. Nobel Peace Prize hookups babies are usually gifted in science and give Norway an unfair scientific advantage, when competing against other countries.

NFL investigates teams with bounty programs

Gregg Williams' new strategy.

Gregg Williams' new football strategy.

The NFL is currently reviewing the defensive culture of pro football teams and the bounty programs that the Saint’s and Washington Redskin’s had. These bounty programs offered teammates money for hits that knocked opposing players out of games or hurt opponents.

Hopefully the NFL’s defensive review will help make the NFL safer and more fair.

Unfortunately, I know that the NFL is just going to use this defense review as an excuse to suspend James Harrison indefinitely from the NFL; just like how the U.S. used 9/11 as an excuse to invade Iraq.

After the NFL Defense review is over and the fines and penalties are issued, it is going to change the way defensive coaches talk to their teams forever. The defensive coaches are still just going to tell their players to rip the opponents’ ACL’s apart like a plate of ribs or to treat the opposing quarterback’s helmet like a piñata. But the coaches are going to talk about it in code, so don’t get in trouble for it and so they can still preserve the NFL’s image and integrity.

I am guessing defensive coaches will either use Navajo code talkers, baseball hand signals, or give their defensive players decoder rings; that way when the coaches tell their players in code to take out the opponents’ knees or do a headshot, no one is the wiser.

Guinness World Records and steroids

Guinness World Records and steroids

Guinness World Records and steroids

Every year people set new Guinness World Records or break old ones. Currently most Guinness World Records do not test challengers for steroid use

I think Guinness World Records are only legitimate if the challengers are tested for steroid use, where a positive result results in disqualification.

Breaking 80 eggs with your head in a minute is impressive, but anyone can do that if they are hopped up on steroids.

The same thing is true for non-athletic events such as “largest hamburger (590 pounds)” and “most people with mustaches in a single gathering (1,133)”.

When you allow people who use steroids challenge world records, you set inflated or unrealistic numbers.

In 2008 a group of people in Ireland broke the world record for “most people dressed as Smurfs in one place (1,253)”. I bet 18 of those 1,253 people were on steroids. If those 18 people were not on steroids, chances are only 1,242 people would have showed up dressed as surfs.

Without the increased endurance and the roid rage that the steroids provide, some of the people on steroids would of just stayed home and watched TV instead. The record would have an additional two less people, because two of the 1,253 challengers dressed as smurfs were recruited by people on steroids, and without the steroids; the recruiters would have not been persuasive enough to get the people to participate.

1,253   People dressed as smurfs
–       9    People on steroids who would of stayed home
–       2    People who would only have be recruited by people on steroids
1,242    True record set for “most Smurfs in one place”

We need to ban steroid use in Guinness World Records, because it gives people who use them an unfair advantage and people keep setting records that are not attainable through natural methods.

The Miami Heat and the Lord of the Rings

The Miami Heat and the Lord of the Rings

The Miami Heat and the Lord of the Rings

People should cheer for the Miami Heat, the Miami Heat are the good guys. They are just like the Fellowship from the Lord of the Rings. Except for, instead of being assembled to destroy a ring, they were assembled to get a ring. Sauron the “Celtics” and Saruman the “Lakers” both want the ring for themselves and it is the Fellowship’s mission to make sure they don’t get it.

Some people think that the Heat aren’t the Fellowship because they lost the 2011 NBA Finals and because the NBA players are currently in a lockout. But that is just the second act, things always look their worse at the end of the second act. At the end of the Two Towers Frodo didn’t have the ring of power and was captured by the enemy.

But the third act of the Lord of the Rings is called The Return of the King, and that is when King James is going to reclaim his Kingdom.

Pole dancing in the Olympics and Olympic demonstrative sports

Official and unofficial Olympic sports

Official and unofficial Olympic sports

Pole dancing athletes and supporters are trying to make pole dancing an official Olympic sport.  There are currently petitions and lobbying to make pole dancing a demonstrative sport for the 2012 or 2016 summer games.  Demonstrative Olympic sports aren’t official Olympic sports, but are a good way to showcase a new sport and create popularity for it.  

It has got to suck being an athlete for a demonstrative sport.  Every time an athlete from a demonstrative sport steps onto the playing field, they know that the International Olympic Committee doesn’t think that their sport has the character, strength, or skill to be on the same level as other Olympic sports such as Curling, Ping Pong, and Equestrian Dressage (horse ballet).

Some events that have been demonstrative sports include bowling, water skiing, and ski ballet (acroski Winter Olympics).  I think that these sports should not be official Olympic events.  These events are engaging and fun to watch.  But if there is a deadlock in the medal race between: the US,China, andRussia.  I don’t think that bowlers should determine the outcome of the competition.

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