Animal towns and swine flu

Swine Flu

Swine Flu

A lot of kid stories take place in towns where many different animals are living together.
I don’t think that would work out too well in real life.

How could you have restaurants in a town full of animal citizens? I just see pigs serving food sneezing everywhere, dogs shaking hands with everyone, ducks not washing their hands when they leave the restroom. That is just swine flu waiting to happen.

The forests also suck in a world where animals live in cities. The woods would be empty cold and lifeless because all the animals moved to the town. If you finally did see a deer it would just be sad and depressing because the deer probably fell through the cracks of society and is homeless.

It is also tough to have a good love story in an all animal community. If a cat and a goat meet and fall in love, if the parents are against it and say that they aren’t good for each other. There is probably going to be some truth to that. And no one wants to follow a story where you side with the parents.

Government intervenes with the flu shot shortage.

Government intervenes with flu shot shortage.

Government intervenes with flu shot shortage.

Every couple years there is a scare of a flu shot shortage. I don’t understand why so many people are worried about a flu shot shortage.

A large chuck of the US either: doesn’t like the flu shot, is indifferent towards it, or thinks that it is ineffective.

If the government were ever about to experience a flu shot shortage, they should just leak a few flu shot conspiracy stories to the public. “The flu shot is used as a tracking device.” “Inoculations are used to control the populace.” “The flu shot causes impotence.”

Once those stories hit the public, millions of people will pass on getting the flu shot and then the supply will be preserved for the old and young people who weren’t turned off by the flu shot conspiracy stories.


Glitter never goes away

Glitter never goes away

If you ever use glitter or come into contact with glitter, you know that it never goes away.  It is basically just like radioactive waste, it has a huge half-life.

You can imagine that the glitter factories are just covered in glitter from use. Unfortunately, once these factories are done making glitter, they can’t be converted to another use because the spilt glitter and the remains of glitter explosions in the factory will never go away.   So the glitter factories essential have to be buried underground when they are done being used so that the glitter doesn’t spill out and contaminate people or the environment.

The United Nations is not moon friendly

United Nations’ diplomatic envoy

United Nations’ diplomatic envoy

People thought that we would be living on the moon by 2020.  But that probably won’t happen, because the United Nations passed a stupid Moon Treaty.

The Moon Treaty essentially states that no individual or organization can own land on the moon.  The Treaty was made so that countries wouldn’t fight each other over moon assets or resources.

That is dumb.  There are some people who would want to live on the moon, but don’t because they can’t own the land.  The Moon Treaty is delaying the settlement of the Moon.    I think that the United Nations should offer free land to the first 80,000 moon settlers.  People currently aren’t too excited about living on the moon, that is why we need to use free land as door busters to get people into the store.

But, the United Nations (UN) will never give out free land to the first moon settlers.  The UN doesn’t want people living on the moon.  The United Nations enacted the moon treaty so that no one would live and the moon and that way the UN wouldn’t have to send ambassadors and peacekeepers to the moon to straighten out conflicts.  Sending one group of UN peacekeepers or ambassadors to the moon is basically a third of the UN’s budget for the year.

The evolution of animals in landfills

Animals evolving in landfills

Animals evolving in landfills

I hope that evolution doesn’t exist.

I don’t want any new animal species evolving out of landfills.  I don’t want butterflies to develop wings which look like coke cans so they can better hide from predators.  I don’t want skunks in land fills evolving to be three times stinkier so they can scare away predators who are already used to stinky smells.

If animals evolved out of landfills, it would suck.

There would be all these new species false alarms where mutants are mistaken for new species.

Zoos would be less fun because they would add stinky landfill exhibits to help educate the public on earth’s new embarrassing species.


Pluto should be a planet

Pluto was voted to no longer be a planet.

Pluto was voted to no longer be a planet.


In 2006 the International Astronomers Union demoted Pluto so that it was no longer a planet.  Pluto was demoted because its small size didn’t fall into the new definition of what a planet is. 

That is so stupid.

Saying Pluto isn’t a planet is like telling Pinocchio he isn’t a real boy.  Sure technically Pinocchio isn’t a real boy.  But is telling Pinocchio he isn’t a real boy, really going to accomplish anything, or increase our understanding of the world.

There is absolutely no incentive for us to demote Pluto from its planet status until we land on Pluto and find out that there isn’t any alien life there.  Because if we do land on Pluto and find out that there is alien life, I don’t think telling the inhabitants of Pluto that Earth doesn’t recognize their satellite as a planet would be a good place to start diplomacy.  Telling Plutonians that they don’t live on a planet, is not an insult that can be resolved with a beer; it is an insult that can only be resolved with flying saucers and extreme prejudice.

Should cloning be legal?

The downside of cloning

The downside of cloning

Cloning should be outlawed, because it is bad for the next generation of people.  People just like themselves too much.  If people have a choice between cloning themselves or having a kid, what do you think they will do?  This is going to be very bad news if Kanye West decides to clone himself and the clone decides to clone itself for the next 1000 years.  Cloning is also bad because it can cause marital strife.  If you think joint finances are tough to deal with.  That is nothing compared to couples arguing over whether their clone should be of him or her.    

Husband: “I want our next child to be a clone of me.”

Wife: “I want our next child to be a clone of me.  The last three kids we had were clones of you!”

Husband: “Hey I want to see my clones in a barbershop quartet, not be in a barbershop quartet with my clones.”

Bill on cloning in Congress

Bill on cloning in Congress


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