Dinosaur park owners have no business sense

Jurassic Park without carnivores.

Jurassic Park without carnivores.

I hate Jurassic Park movies, they are always full of plot holes. The people who own the dinosaur parks always have no business sense.

They always build these big expensive parks, the parks get overrun by carnivores, and they close it down.

Stop making carnivores! Learn from your mistakes! Don’t make things that eat people. That should be their mission statement. “We don’t make things that eat people.”

People will pay money to see a stegosaurs or a brontosaurus. They don’t even need an island full of dinosaurs. They only need one dinosaur, people will pay to see one dinosaur. And if one dinosaur breaks out, that is a very manageable situation, you place down a couple of cones and grab some nets.

Why do these parks even clone velociraptors or T-Rex? Is the potential twenty percent increase in profits that comes with having carnivores worth the exponentially increased risk that everything is going to fall apart horribly? Making money off dino predators has the same track record as trying to sell limited edition Winnie-the-Pooh collector plates for three times their “market” value ten years in the future. At least with the dino investment your pain is over quickly. With the Winnie-the-Pooh collector plates, you are going to live with that mistake for the rest of your life.

Breaking small laws in horror movie The Purge

In the movie "The Purge", small laws are broken too

In the movie “The Purge”, small laws are broken too

The horror movie The Purge is set in a future United States where every year all crime including murder is legal for a 12 hour period. People usually hide in their homes during this period to protect themselves.

In the movie you see a lot of violence, hiding, and people defending themselves. I don’t know why you don’t see people in the movie taking advantage of the situation by breaking some of the smaller laws. If I was in the middle of “The Purge” I would be: downloading torrents, making moonshine, having my dog drive my car, and selling bootleg copies of Pat Benatar CD’s.

Action movies, James Bond, and concussions

Next bond movie

Next bond movie

James Bond movies are so fake.

In real life James Bond would have multiple concussions in every movie from fist fights, high speed crashes, and people swinging things at him all the time.

I don’t understand why Q never gives 007 a football helmet or a mouth guard to protect against concussions?

I know these fights and crashes are detailed in the mission reports, because he has a huge ego and likes to brag. “I survived a car chase, my pursuers were permanently cut off.” “I fought four henchmen in Berlin, it was just smashing.”

With all that information, why wouldn’t Q give James Bond a football helmet and a mouth guard? He knows James is repeatedly getting into these scraps. Isn’t preventing concussions more useful than a watch that can cut rope or cuff links that can take pictures?

How is James Bond supposed to disarm the bomb if he is concussed, has coordination issues, and mental disorientation?

People act stupid in horror movies

Stupid people in horror movies

Stupid people in horror movies

One of my buddies complains about how stupid people act in horror movies.

Come on, horror movies would be so boring if people didn’t act stupid in them. Only stupid people are going to get separated or open doors that they shouldn’t.

Stupid people also die a lot better in horror movies. When smart people die it is very boring or vanilla.

But when stupid people die it is always entertaining. You will see people on roller blades flying straight into a gigantic moving fan. Or you will see a guy running away from the killer and then wind up in a room just stuffed full of knives.

No one wants to see a horror movie where the characters act smart. There is nothing fun about seeing people sticking together in a group or competent cops catching the killer right away.

Publishers decide to reboot books

Publishers remake books

Publishers remake books

Movie studios are remaking movies more and more now: King Kong, Footloose, Ocean’s 11, etc.

I don’t understand why book publishers don’t remake books too.

A lot of movies get remade because they are out of date or to put current actors in them.

Books can be remade for the same reasons. Although book remakes can’t take advantage of breakthroughs in special effects. In the book remake, the writer could just describe the action sequence better to make it seem more realistic to the reader.

A lot of people might not be too excited to read Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky. But if people see that Danielle Steel or Dean Koontz is writing the remake, they may want to read remake.

Or book publishers might try to give To Kill a Mockingbird a more modern feel by making it take place on the moon and making Boo Radley a cyborg.

The real extractors from the movie Inception

Extractors entering people’s dreams

Extractors entering people’s dreams

In the movie Inception there are people called extractors who steal ideas from other people while they are dreaming.  The extractors have to be sleeping in order to enter a dream and steal an idea from another person.

It would be sweet to be an extractor like in the movie Inception, because you would get paid to sleep.  At any other job, if you are caught sleeping, you get fired. 

My only criticism with the movie Inception is that they romanticized the extractor profession, those extractors didn’t seem like real extractors.

In the movie, the extractors wanted to go to sleep to enter someone’s dream, but they never ate really big lunches to help them go to sleep.  At work everyone is ready to take a nap after eating a really big lunch.  So in real life, if these extractors wanted to go to sleep, they would be eating rich calorie packed meals whenever they planned on entering someone’s dreams. 

In real life, extractors would also be 60 pounds over weight, because you don’t burn a lot of calories from those big lunches when the only movement you do at work is rapid eye movement.

Business sunk costs and Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

 

Some businesses have trouble with sunk costs and are unable to abandon a lost cause.  Twentieth Century Fox has this problem with the movie franchise Big Momma’s House. 

After the Box Office and DVD run of Big Momma’s house, instead of Twentieth Century Fox admitting their mistake and abandoning the project, they went ahead and made the sequal Big Momma’s House 2 and are currently in production of the movie Big Momma’s House 3, called Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.

When Twentieth Century fox was asked why they haven’t abounded the project that should have stayed as a rejected idea from a brain storming session; the president of Twentieth Century Fox responded, “We have spent over $100 Million dollars creating the Big Momma’s House Franchise.”

That is BS.  Twentieth Century Fox haven’t created a Big Momma’s House franchise, they have created a monstrosity.  I have seen better things come out of the Ark of the Covenant.

Bankruptcy laws exist to turn unproductive economic units into productive economic units.  Martin Lawrence as an actor is a productive economic unit.  An actress playing a Momma is a productive economic unit.  A fat suit can be a productive economic unit.  Martin Lawrence playing a momma in a fat suit is an unproductive economic unit. 

We need to force the Big Momma’s House franchise to declare bankruptcy in order to provide more value to society with our scarce resources. 

If Big Momma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son) hits the box office, then all three act stories and movie trilogies everywhere will move down a peg.  Because people will then realize that anything, I mean anything can be made into a trilogy.

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