States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL

Syncing up with Dark Side of the moon

Syncing up with Dark Side of the moon

The two states that have legalized marijuana both have teams going to the Super Bowl. That isn’t fair. Marijuana gives those teams an unfair advantage just like Gatorade did with the Florida Gators in the 60’s. The Gators won the Orange Bowl in 1966 because they had Gatorade and the other team didn’t.

Marijuana gives teams a level of team unity and comradery that doesn’t exist naturally. Football teams are supposed to be full of hotheads and showboats. But marijuana unites those players like the Von Trapp family or a badass eleven cat Voltron. They stay up together forever detailing the symbolism of SpongeBob or they review game tape obsessively, seeing if it syncs up with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon.

Marijuana needs to be legalized in every state so teams have the same access to it. Or the NFL needs to establish team weed caps, so that the league stays competitive. Then if a team breaks their weed cap, they would face a weed cap reduction or be forced to forfeit draft picks.

States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL.

States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL.

Bad things in flu shots

Bad things in flu shot

Bad things in flu shot

Many people are against flu shots either because of health concerns, the extra stuff added to the flu shot, or the government conspiracy theories involving tracking devices and mind control.

I think this is a good year to get a flu shot. I heard that the chemicals, tracking devices, and mind control agents in this year’s flu shot are a lot milder than they were in previous years.
Usually the mind control agents are strong and make you support the banking system or cover up the existence of the illuminati. But this years mind control agents, just make you want to buy a Prius.

So if it is a mild flu season and you are thinking that the flu shot isn’t worth it, remember that the tracking devices and mind control agents in the flu shot are also milder so it is worth getting.

Relationships in medical dramas and their effects on patients

Relationships in medical dramas

Relationships in medical dramas

I would hate to be a patient on a medical drama like Grey’s Anatomy. Not only do the patients have serious medical illnesses; but the doctors in the show who are treating the patients always have relationship issues.

How am I supposed to get good medical treatment when my doctor spends all of his time in his office picking pedals of off posies muttering, “she loves me she loves me not”.

If I was a patient on a medical drama and the doctor told me that I have a 50/50 chance of living. I would want to know, hey is that a 50/50 chance before or after Dr. McDreamy broke up with you.

Should cloning be legal?

The downside of cloning

The downside of cloning

Cloning should be outlawed, because it is bad for the next generation of people.  People just like themselves too much.  If people have a choice between cloning themselves or having a kid, what do you think they will do?  This is going to be very bad news if Kanye West decides to clone himself and the clone decides to clone itself for the next 1000 years.  Cloning is also bad because it can cause marital strife.  If you think joint finances are tough to deal with.  That is nothing compared to couples arguing over whether their clone should be of him or her.    

Husband: “I want our next child to be a clone of me.”

Wife: “I want our next child to be a clone of me.  The last three kids we had were clones of you!”

Husband: “Hey I want to see my clones in a barbershop quartet, not be in a barbershop quartet with my clones.”

Bill on cloning in Congress

Bill on cloning in Congress

The womb feeling

Babies have dry skin after they are born.

Babies have dry skin after they are born.

The womb is a great place to be.  The best nine months I ever spent.  It is even better than sex.  I know this, because when people get scared and want to feel good; they get into the fetal position and not the missionary position. 

Babies are shocked after they are born when they get chapped lips and dry skin and realize that the world cold and dry and not warm and moist like in the womb.

Why do people use Chap Stick and lotion on their skin when it is dry or cracked?  Who are these people kidding; they are not in the womb.  No matter how much lotion or palm oil you douse your body with, your skin will never be as lustrous as it was in the womb. 

People should just accept the fact that they are out of the womb and that moisturizing your skin is a tiring and ultimately futile effort, because it is cold and dry out here.  What is so great about being in the womb anyway?  Who wants pruned fingers all day long?

The affect of flu shots on the immune system

Help fighting the flu.

Help fighting the flu.

Flu shots are bad for your immune system. They make it so that your immune system doesn’t have to work as hard to fight the flu. If you keep getting the flu shot over after over, your immune system gets weak, lazy, and out-of-shape because it never works hard.

Getting the flu shot is like giving your immune system their own personal butler.

Pretty soon your immune system groans when it gets out of a chairs, watches TV constantly, and is living in its own filth because it refuses to clean up its own bloodstream.

The affects of the flu shot.

The affects of the flu shot.

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