Zombies vs. Vampires, which is better?

March 13, 2011 Leave a comment

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Vampires and zombies are essentially the same: they are both dead, they both feed on people, and both can turn people into themselves.  I fell bad for zombies though because lots of people want to be vampires but nobody wants to be a zombie. 

When is the last time you saw a movie or read a book that put zombies in a good light or showed the sensitive side of zombies?  Or when is the last time you heard someone say, “You know I wish I was a zombie.”

Zombie life is much less romantic than vampire life.  Vampires own mansions, zombies just surprise you in a room of a mansion.  Vampires wear fine Italian clothing.  Zombies were torn street clothes.  Vampires don’t age; zombies look like they are dead.  Vampires speak eloquently; zombies can barely speak a full sentence. 

I guess people like vampires more than zombies because if a vampire turns you into one of them, that really isn’t that bad, maybe it’s a step up or a step down.  But if a Zombie turns you into one of them, that is a huge step down.  Being a zombie has the same status quo as a hot dog concession stand worker for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

Filed under Culture Tagged with , , , , , ,

Incriminating stories from your co-workers

February 6, 2010 2 Comments

People telling incriminating stories

People telling incriminating stories

I like making small talk with my co-workers.  But I hate it when they tell me incriminating stories about themselves.  I don’t want to hear that.

I don’t want to hear their rationalization about how breaking the law was the right thing to do.  I don’t want to hear about how they took care of all of the loose ends.  There must be other stuff we can talk about, besides the time they could have spent the rest of their life in jail.  The Fifth Amendment exists so that you have the right to remain silent and you don’t have to incriminate yourself.

There are professional sport teams in this state.  Why don’t we talk about those.  Granted the teams are about as stable as a hyperinflationary country, ran by three dictators with different religious backgrounds. 

We can talk about celebrities.  Hey, I’ll talk about the story in People Magazine about Britney Spears dating Warren Sapp, even though the whole story is based on a candid picture of Brittney Spears at a grocery store.

Filed under Law, Work Tagged with , , ,

Earth has more 90,000 percent more cows than tigers living on the planet, proof that natural selection doesn’t work.

January 14, 2010 1 Comment

Natural selection doesn't work

Natural selection doesn't work

 

I don’t believe that natural selection works. There are currently about 2 billion cows living on the planet and about 22,000 tigers. Natural selection states that, “animals which are more fit have a better chance of survival and passing on their genes.”

Since the cows on the planet outnumber the tigers 90,000 to 1, does that mean that cows are more equipped to survive than tigers?

There is no way that a cow is more equipped for survival than a tiger.
1. Tigers can climb trees, cows can’t climb trees.
2. Tigers can jump 11 feet in the air, cows can’t jump over a four foot fence.
3. Tigers can see in the dark and hunt at night, cows sleep at night.

The reason we have more cows than tigers, is people. People poach tigers and farm cattle. The cow or tiger’s environmental fitness or genetic strength doesn’t determine survival, people do. People don’t care how fit or unfit an animal is. We just poach, hunt, eat, or farm any animal we want. That is why I don’t believe natural selection works. Natural selection just doesn’t work when you have people walking around.

I guess excelling in the animal kingdom is a lot like excelling in the business world. It’s not about what you can do, that determines how successful you are, but who you know. And in this case, the reason cows are so successful is that they know people.

Filed under Animals, Science Tagged with , , , ,

Why do people leave around time capsules?

January 14, 2010 Leave a comment

Nobody wants a time capsule.

Nobody wants a time capsule.

Why do people leave around time capsules for future generations?  People in the future aren’t going to want that junk.  You know people actually put floppy disks in time capsules.  What are people in the future supposed to do with that?  If someone left a note on a floppy disk and on a rock, the rock is actually a more relevant way to store data. 

Even if you put DVDs in time capsules, people in the future are still going to make fun of you.  Person from the future, “Look at this guy, he is using an information disk, man life was so primitive before information spheres.”

People put a lot of junk in time capsules.  If you don’t want stuff that’s fine, just throw it away.  But don’t bury the junk in your back yard.  People are usually pretty smart.  But, when people start thinking about time capsules; they don’t act rationally and revert to their basic instincts. 

In the year 2224, the Antique Roadshow will ban people from bringing time capsules on the show to be valued by the appraisers; because by then, time capsules from the 20th century will have been determined to be worthless for over twenty years. 

The only time capsules that people want to find, are the ones filled with money.  The Egyptians got this one right with the pyramids; instead of filling the pyramids with: musical lyrics, newspaper clippings, or personal pictures, they filled them with gold.  The Egyptians also had a better strategy of only putting part of the time capsule underground and then leaving a five hundred thousand square foot pyramid on top of it, to give people a better chance of finding it. 

People leaving around time capsules.

People leaving around time capsules.

Filed under Culture, Science Tagged with , , , ,

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.