January 3, 2010 Leave a comment
The all natural organic food movement is really bad for Willy Wonka’s candy business. It’s hard to market your candy as all natural when it comes out of a giant factory with huge smoke stacks and all of the factory workers are discolored midgets.
The public story is that the Oompa Loompas came from Loompaland, which is a region of Loompa in the Pacific Ocean. But the real story is that the Oompa Loompas are just people from Brooklyn who found out that some side effects do last forever.
There is no way that Willy Wonka’s candy is all natural: three-course-dinner gum that turns you into a giant grape, fizzy-lifting drinks, and the gobstoppers that never run out of flavor.
In order for Willy Wonka to make candy that has those effects; the candy has to be loaded with so many chemicals, additives, and preservatives; that they make hot dogs look like they are freshly grown.