The Twilight Saga was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment

February 11, 2011 Leave a Comment

Twilight Vampires Diamonds

Twilight Vampires Diamonds

Someone told me that they didn’t like Twilight Saga, because the books have a bad moral of “girls can tame a savage beast or girls change can change a monster”.  Another person said that the moral of Twilight was that true love conquers all. 

I don’t think the Twilight Saga had a moral to it, I think Twilight series was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment.   Twilight is similar to a story about someone who lives in a land made entirely of candy.  A story about someone living in candy land wasn’t written for morals, it was written so people could salivate about candy for 320 pages.

Here are the following reasons why I think the Twilight Saga was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment. 

1. Vampires shine like diamonds in the sunlight. 

That is pure fantasy.  Vampires burn in the sunlight. They are creatures of the night, not creatures that blend in well at a jewelry store.

2.  Edward and Bella have a baby, even though vampires can’t have kids. 

In the Twilight books it is rare, but some vampires have powers including: mind reading, tracking, or lie detection.  In Edwards’s case, his power was determined to be incubus   fertilization, or the ability to have kids.  That is a women’s fantasy, you are in love with a man who can’t have a kid, and just by pure luck and chance he is able to get one through.

3.  When Bella was pregnant in Breaking Dawn she was pregnant for about a month. 

Many women don’t look forward to pregnancy because of: the gas, bloating, maternity clothes, and morning sickness.  The idea of a women being able to go through a one month pregnancy instead of a nine month pregnancy before giving birth to a healthy baby is every women’s fantasy.

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Health care reform home remedies and the common cold

January 8, 2011 1 Comment

With health care reform more people will use home remedies to fight the cold.

With health care reform more people will use home remedies to fight the cold.

Health care reform has changed it so that over-the-counter medicine is only tax deductible from a flex spending account if you have a doctor’s note.

That sucks.  Over-the-counter medicine works very well for fighting colds.  Now that cold medicines such as Robitussin, Dayquil, and Actifed are no longer tax deductible from a flex spending account, they are essentially more expensive than they were before and people will buy less of them and opt for home remedies and all natural treatments to fight colds.

I am fine with the good home remedies that people use to fight colds including: drinking lots of water, vitamin C, chicken noodle soup, and spicy food.

It’s the bad home remedies that I have a problem with.  There are a lot of home remedies out there that just don’t work.  I have heard of people using orange peels, bee pollen, grapefruit seed extract, and tonic water with nutmeg to fight the cold. 

In our modern society, there is no reason to use far fetched home remedies in lieu of tested cold medicine.  Orange peels and bee pollen, really!  Should people start eating egg sandwiches to treat high blood pressure?  That doesn’t make any sense to me. 

How come when some people get sick, instead of going for the sure bet with the over-the-counter medicine, they decide to go over to the roulette wheel and hope that the ball lands on their home remedy? 

Is it really that fun every time your sick to get the old gumbo pot out and make your own concoction that you believe will cure what ails ya.

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Justin Timberlake acting vs. music

December 3, 2010 Leave a Comment

Justin Timberlake acting vs. music

Justin Timberlake acting vs. music

Justin Timberlake is producing less music today because he is trying to focus more on being an actor.  Acting is such a waste of Justin Timberlake’s time.

You know why I know that acting is a waste of Justin Timberlake’s time, because his last music album Justified sold ten million copies worldwide and his new acting role is Boo Boo in the new Yogi Bear movie. 

Justin Timberlake has a better chance of winning an academy award playing a cameo of himself than he does playing Boo Boo.

If 50 Cent asked Justin Timberlake to do a collaboration with him and Taylor Swift on a song that could unite a generation of people, Justin would have to say sorry, I can’t do it, because I am too busy playing Boo Boo in the new Yogi Bear movie. 

Playing Boo Boo is like being a background actor in a movie, you are in the movie, but the movie’s: success, charm, and message, doesn’t hinge upon your performance. 

Kids don’t care if Boo Boo is played by Jonny Deep or the ShamWow guy, they just want to see Boo Boo. 

Justin Timberlake plays Boo Boo

Justin Timberlake plays Boo Boo

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Shaq playing for the Celtics.

November 27, 2010 Leave a Comment

Shaq or Shaquille

Shaq or Shaquille

One of my buddies told me that Shaq was playing for the Celtics this year.  I told him that Shaq is playing for the Celtics, but that that Shaq isn’t Shaq.   Shaquille is playing for the Celtics now.  Shaq lost his nick name when he lost his stuff.  A basketball nickname is like a mortgage on a house, if you stop paying for it, they take it away. 

If I was Shaquille, I would be insulted if in the last year anyone referred to me as Shaq.  Because currently Shaq is a basketball legacy and anytime anyone refers to Shaquille’s current performance as Shaq they are destroying his legacy.

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No alien ambassador for the United Nations.

November 13, 2010 2 Comments

Aliens think humans are racist and xenophobic.

Aliens think humans are racist and xenophobic.

In September 2010 there was a news story that the United Nations appointed an ambassador for aliens or extraterrestrials.  This ambassador was supposed to coordinate responses to all alien contact and represent all humanity when interacting with aliens.

The United Nations later said that this story was false and that they didn’t plan on having an alien ambassador. 

That is good because there is no point in having an alien ambassador.

If people want to impress aliens they shouldn’t appoint them ambassadors, they should just build the aliens giant temples and statues in their honor. 

If I was an alien and landed on Earth, I wouldn’t want to talk to a United Nations ambassador about cultural differences or foreign policies.  I would want the earthlings to build me statues, bring me gold, get me food, and take me to their leader.   

When aliens land on a planet they usually want the first person they see to take them to their leader.  But that makes sense, when you have an issue with a bill or are trying to get around the rules; you always want to talk to a manager.  Ambassadors aren’t managers, ambassadors are employees and leaders are managers.  That is why aliens want you to take them to your leader, because when you want to bend the rules you don’t want to talk to an employee, you want to talk to the manager.    

If the United Nations do have alien ambassadors it will be very hard for the ambassadors to make a good impression on the aliens.  If aliens see our science fiction movies such as: Skyline, Independence Day, Star Trek, War of the Worlds, Aliens, Predator, Mars Attacks!, etc,  they will see that people are racist and xenophobic towards aliens.  Because the vast majority of our movies about aliens show aliens being evil, greedy, war hungry, and violent. 

People don’t make movies about aliens helping humanity out, such as a movie where aliens drop off the cure for cancer or a movie where aliens give humanity a new cheap source of renewable clean energy.

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Business sunk costs and Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

October 3, 2010 1 Comment

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

 

Some businesses have trouble with sunk costs and are unable to abandon a lost cause.  Twentieth Century Fox has this problem with the movie franchise Big Momma’s House. 

After the Box Office and DVD run of Big Momma’s house, instead of Twentieth Century Fox admitting their mistake and abandoning the project, they went ahead and made the sequal Big Momma’s House 2 and are currently in production of the movie Big Momma’s House 3, called Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.

When Twentieth Century fox was asked why they haven’t abounded the project that should have stayed as a rejected idea from a brain storming session; the president of Twentieth Century Fox responded, “We have spent over $100 Million dollars creating the Big Momma’s House Franchise.”

That is BS.  Twentieth Century Fox haven’t created a Big Momma’s House franchise, they have created a monstrosity.  I have seen better things come out of the Ark of the Covenant.

Bankruptcy laws exist to turn unproductive economic units into productive economic units.  Martin Lawrence as an actor is a productive economic unit.  An actress playing a Momma is a productive economic unit.  A fat suit can be a productive economic unit.  Martin Lawrence playing a momma in a fat suit is an unproductive economic unit. 

We need to force the Big Momma’s House franchise to declare bankruptcy in order to provide more value to society with our scarce resources. 

If Big Momma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son) hits the box office, then all three act stories and movie trilogies everywhere will move down a peg.  Because people will then realize that anything, I mean anything can be made into a trilogy.

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Barack Obama’s presidential approval rating falls

September 1, 2010 2 Comments

People’s approval rating of Barack Obama.

People’s approval rating of Barack Obama.

People’s approval rating of everything in general

People’s approval rating of everything in general

When Barack Obama entered office he had a 68 percent approval rating.  It has gone down since then and on August 12, 2010 Obama’s approval rating dropped to 42 percent.

Some people see this and think that the public doesn’t think that Obama is doing a good job. 

But that is not true; most people think that Barack Obama is doing a good job.  People are just angrier and unhappier these days and their approval of everything has gone down.  Obama’s job approval rating has decreased since he has been in office, but his approval rating hasn’t decreased more than people’s approval of other things in their lives, including food, traffic, weather, ect.  For example on August 12, 2010 US citizens had a 64 percent approval rating for Kit Kat as a candy bar.  When Obama took office, Kit Kat had an 82 percent approval rating as a candy bar.    

Some reasons that people are unhappy currently are: they are broke, world issues, divorce, and social issues such as: abortion, gay marriage, and immigration. 

The highest approval rating President John F. Kennedy ever had in office was 80 percent on March 13, 1962.  That sounds great, but that approval rating is inflated.  John F. Kennedy’s approval rating wasn’t that high.  The only reason it was recorded as 80 percent was because it was the 60’s and people were happier then and everybody essentially approved of everything.  In the 60’s, things were groovy, people were traveling to space, love was free, and there was a lot of civil rights and social progress being made.  In the 60’s cockroaches had a 39 percent approval rating, there was not much people in the 60’s didn’t like. 

So when you are analyzing presidential approval ratings and job performance you need to need to factor in how happy or content the people of that decade were, because some decade’s people are chipper and some decade’s people are pouty.

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Paul the psychic octopus received death threats after his soccer world cup predictions became true.

August 7, 2010 Leave a Comment

Paul the psychic octopus received death threats after his soccer world cup predictions became true.

Paul the psychic octopus received death threats after his soccer world cup predictions became true.

Paul the psychic German octopus was 100% accurate in his prediction of the outcomes of eight world cup games in 2010.  However, when Germany won matches that the German octopus predicted Germany would win, fans from other countries got angry because they thought the octopus jinxed the matches.  The octopus has since received death threats,  from Non-Germans and Germans (the Octopus predicted that Germany would to lose to Spain).  Some of the death threats the octopus received include, people saying they want to turn Paul in sushi, “we want Paul for the pan’, “All you need is four normal potatoes, olive oil for taste, and a little pepper(from an Argentinean newspaper)”, “throw him in the shark tank”, people singing anti-octopus songs, and invitations for Paul to attend seafood festivals.        

That is so dumb, that is just like the groundhog Punxsutawney Phil getting death threats for predicting that there will be six more weeks of winter.  Punxsutawney Phil and Paul the octopus aren’t really predicting anything they are just walking around and people are interpreting what the animals are predicting.  It is not like the animals gave a written statement of their prediction or nodded their head when they hear what people said their prediction was.   

When PETA heard about the death threats they demanded that the psychic octopus be set free in protected ocean waters by the south of France where people don’t take soccer so seriously.  But that is dumb; first there are many predators in the ocean by the south of France including: barracudas, moray eels, and great white sharks.  I don’t know why someone would think that an octopus born and raised in captivity for two years could live longer in the wild than it could in captivity, even with captivity having crazy revenge seeking soccer fans running around. 

In captivity, the octopus has access to top quality veterinarians, who can treat a wide variety of aliments.  In the wild, Paul has no medical coverage.  And if Paul tried to get help from another octopus in the wild, the other octopus would probably try to eat him.    

Also Octopuses only live for about three years, and since Paul is already two years old, he really only has about a year left. 

Usually when something has one year to live it is terminally ill.  In an octopus’s case it is fit as a fiddle and has its good years ahead of him.

Filed under Animals, Culture Tagged with , , , , , ,

Entering the witness protection program to get rid of outstanding debts.

July 5, 2010 2 Comments

Entering the witness protection program to get rid of outstanding debts.

Entering the witness protection program to get rid of outstanding debts.

If I am ever in over my head in debts. I’m not going to get rid of those debts the dumb way by filing for bankruptcy, that would kill my credit.  I am going to get rid of those debts the smart way, by entering the witness protection program.  It’s not hard to enter the witness protection program, all you have to do is go down to the police station and give them a convincing story, “Look I was in this trial two years ago and the mafia is out to get me!”

That is all you have to do.  The government should have to take care of your outstanding loans and debts, because they have to sever every tie to your name.  Then boom say goodbye to bad debts, and say hello to Las Vegas, a fake mustache, and a new last name from your favorite character on television.

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Romeo and Juliet, letters mailed to Juliet

June 5, 2010 Leave a Comment

Romeo's dirty poems, Romeo and Juliet

Romeos dirty poems, Romeo and Juliet

 

Over 5000 letters are mailed every year to Juliet from Romeo and Juliet.  The letters usually ask Juliet for relationship advice and are addressed to Juliet, Verona, Italy.

I don’t know why people want to get relationship advice from Juliet.  Juliet killed herself a minute after finding out her husband was dead.

I am not saying that if your significant other passes away, that you can’t kill yourself.  Killing yourself is bad.  But if you do kill yourself, you should at least wait until after your spouse’s funeral, before you do it.  That way you can show up to the funeral, give their mom a hug and speak after the eulogy.  

Juliet should have also put off killing herself so that she could help clean out Romeos apartment.  Romeo probably had some embarrassing stuff in his room that he didn’t want anyone to find, like a crate of dirty poems.  Lord and Lady Montague don’t want to find a crate of their son’s dirty poems the same week that they lose their son.  Losing a son and finding your son’s stockpile of dirty poems in the same month is too much pain for any parent to go through.  It is the spouse’s job to destroy all of their significant other’s embarrassing stuff if they pass away.  One of the benefits of being married is that you won’t die alone.  The other benefit is that if you do die your friends and family will never find any of your erotic stuff, Grey’s Anatomy fan fiction, and home videos of you playing games with your cat.

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