Dalai Lama retires as Tibet’s political leader in response to a Tibet TV commercial by Groupon.

March 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Tibet Groupon Dalai Lama

Tibet Groupon Dalai Lama

 

In 2011 the Dalai Lama stepped down as Tibet’s political leader.  The leader said that he is stepping down because political rule by leaders or kings is out of date and that Tibetans should have a democratically elected political representative to help Tibet gain independence.  The Dalai Lama said that he will not step down from being a spiritual leader. 

The Dalai Lama also said that the Tibet Super Bowl TV Commercial by Groupon aided in his decision to retire.  The Dalai Lama said that the Groupon ad which compared  Tibetans’ 60 year 800,000 casualty struggle for independence to Americans eating fish curry at restaurants, was tasteless and offensive.  The leader said, “I usually have a live and let live Philosophy, however in this one instance I am going to spend the beginning of my retirement getting even with Groupon with an eye for an eye philosophy.”  The Dalai Lama said that he will still fight for a free Tibet, but that he will have to split his time between updating freetibet.org and grouponsucks.com.

This is the first time in 300 years and over 14 reincarnations that the Dalai Lama has decided to get sweet revenge against a website.

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Zombies vs. Vampires, which is better?

March 13, 2011 Leave a comment

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Vampires and zombies are essentially the same: they are both dead, they both feed on people, and both can turn people into themselves.  I fell bad for zombies though because lots of people want to be vampires but nobody wants to be a zombie. 

When is the last time you saw a movie or read a book that put zombies in a good light or showed the sensitive side of zombies?  Or when is the last time you heard someone say, “You know I wish I was a zombie.”

Zombie life is much less romantic than vampire life.  Vampires own mansions, zombies just surprise you in a room of a mansion.  Vampires wear fine Italian clothing.  Zombies were torn street clothes.  Vampires don’t age; zombies look like they are dead.  Vampires speak eloquently; zombies can barely speak a full sentence. 

I guess people like vampires more than zombies because if a vampire turns you into one of them, that really isn’t that bad, maybe it’s a step up or a step down.  But if a Zombie turns you into one of them, that is a huge step down.  Being a zombie has the same status quo as a hot dog concession stand worker for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

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Did Dan Brown plagiarize in the Da Vinci Code?

March 12, 2011 Leave a comment

Dan Brown Steven King Plagiarizing

Dan Brown Steven King Plagiarizing

In 2006, Dan Brown was accused of plagiarizing the book Holy Blood, Holy Grail in his novel The Da Vinci Code.  The courts found him innocent.  However, earlier this week I found proof that Dan Brown did plagiarize.  Dan Brown did steal the ideas he included in his book The Da Vinci Code.  However, he didn’t steal them from the book Holy Blood, Holy Grail.  He stole them from his previously published book Angels and Demons.  Anyone who has read Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code knows that they are the exact same book.

The first 30 pages of The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons are exactly the same.  The author just put the pages in reverse order in The Da Vinci Code to fool readers into thinking they are getting new material. 

The moral of The Da Vinci Code is “peace, truth, and education conquer all.”  The moral of Angels and Demons is very similar, “peace, truth, and perseverance conquers most”.

If regurgitating your previously published work does infringe on copyright laws, then Dan Brown would be in trouble, but not in as much trouble as Steve King and Tony Hillerman, both of these authors would be serving consecutive life sentences.

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Pluto should be a planet

February 12, 2011 2 Comments

Pluto’s status as a planet.

Pluto’s status as a planet.

 

In 2006 the International Astronomers Union demoted Pluto so that it was no longer a planet.  Pluto was demoted because its small size didn’t fall into the new definition of what a planet is. 

That is so stupid.

Saying Pluto isn’t a planet is like telling Pinocchio he isn’t a real boy.  Sure technically Pinocchio isn’t a real boy and he is just a puppet brought to life by the Blue Fairy.  But is telling Pinocchio he isn’t a real boy, really going to accomplish anything, or increase our understanding of the world.

There is absolutely no incentive for us to demote Pluto from its planet status until we land on Pluto and find out that there is no alien life there.  Because if we do land on Pluto and find out that there is alien life, I don’t think telling the inhabitants of Pluto that Earth doesn’t recognize their satellite as a planet would be a good place to start diplomacy.  Telling Plutonians that they don’t live on a planet, is not an insult that can be resolved with a beer; it is an insult that can only be resolved with flying saucers and extreme prejudice.

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The Twilight Saga was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment

February 11, 2011 Leave a comment

Twilight Vampires Diamonds

Twilight Vampires Diamonds

Someone told me that they didn’t like Twilight Saga, because the books have a bad moral of “girls can tame a savage beast or girls change can change a monster”.  Another person said that the moral of Twilight was that true love conquers all. 

I don’t think the Twilight Saga had a moral to it, I think Twilight series was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment.   Twilight is similar to a story about someone who lives in a land made entirely of candy.  A story about someone living in candy land wasn’t written for morals, it was written so people could salivate about candy for 320 pages.

Here are the following reasons why I think the Twilight Saga was written for pure fantasy and enjoyment. 

1. Vampires shine like diamonds in the sunlight. 

That is pure fantasy.  Vampires burn in the sunlight. They are creatures of the night, not creatures that blend in well at a jewelry store.

2.  Edward and Bella have a baby, even though vampires can’t have kids. 

In the Twilight books it is rare, but some vampires have powers including: mind reading, tracking, or lie detection.  In Edwards’s case, his power was determined to be incubus   fertilization, or the ability to have kids.  That is a women’s fantasy, you are in love with a man who can’t have a kid, and just by pure luck and chance he is able to get one through.

3.  When Bella was pregnant in Breaking Dawn she was pregnant for about a month. 

Many women don’t look forward to pregnancy because of: the gas, bloating, maternity clothes, and morning sickness.  The idea of a women being able to go through a one month pregnancy instead of a nine month pregnancy before giving birth to a healthy baby is every women’s fantasy.

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Health care reform home remedies and the common cold

January 8, 2011 1 Comment

With health care reform more people will use home remedies to fight the cold.

With health care reform more people will use home remedies to fight the cold.

Health care reform has changed it so that over-the-counter medicine is only tax deductible from a flex spending account if you have a doctor’s note.

That sucks.  Over-the-counter medicine works very well for fighting colds.  Now that cold medicines such as Robitussin, Dayquil, and Actifed are no longer tax deductible from a flex spending account, they are essentially more expensive than they were before and people will buy less of them and opt for home remedies and all natural treatments to fight colds.

I am fine with the good home remedies that people use to fight colds including: drinking lots of water, vitamin C, chicken noodle soup, and spicy food.

It’s the bad home remedies that I have a problem with.  There are a lot of home remedies out there that just don’t work.  I have heard of people using orange peels, bee pollen, grapefruit seed extract, and tonic water with nutmeg to fight the cold. 

In our modern society, there is no reason to use far fetched home remedies in lieu of tested cold medicine.  Orange peels and bee pollen, really!  Should people start eating egg sandwiches to treat high blood pressure?  That doesn’t make any sense to me. 

How come when some people get sick, instead of going for the sure bet with the over-the-counter medicine, they decide to go over to the roulette wheel and hope that the ball lands on their home remedy? 

Is it really that fun every time your sick to get the old gumbo pot out and make your own concoction that you believe will cure what ails ya.

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Justin Timberlake acting vs. music

December 3, 2010 Leave a comment

Justin Timberlake acting vs. music

Justin Timberlake acting vs. music

Justin Timberlake is producing less music today because he is trying to focus more on being an actor.  Acting is such a waste of Justin Timberlake’s time.

You know why I know that acting is a waste of Justin Timberlake’s time, because his last music album Justified sold ten million copies worldwide and his new acting role is Boo Boo in the new Yogi Bear movie. 

Justin Timberlake has a better chance of winning an academy award playing a cameo of himself than he does playing Boo Boo.

If 50 Cent asked Justin Timberlake to do a collaboration with him and Taylor Swift on a song that could unite a generation of people, Justin would have to say sorry, I can’t do it, because I am too busy playing Boo Boo in the new Yogi Bear movie. 

Playing Boo Boo is like being a background actor in a movie, you are in the movie, but the movie’s: success, charm, and message, doesn’t hinge upon your performance. 

Kids don’t care if Boo Boo is played by Jonny Deep or the ShamWow guy, they just want to see Boo Boo. 

Justin Timberlake plays Boo Boo

Justin Timberlake plays Boo Boo

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Shaq playing for the Celtics.

November 27, 2010 Leave a comment

Shaq or Shaquille

Shaq or Shaquille

One of my buddies told me that Shaq was playing for the Celtics this year.  I told him that Shaq is playing for the Celtics, but that that Shaq isn’t Shaq.   Shaquille is playing for the Celtics now.  Shaq lost his nick name when he lost his stuff.  A basketball nickname is like a mortgage on a house, if you stop paying for it, they take it away. 

If I was Shaquille, I would be insulted if in the last year anyone referred to me as Shaq.  Because currently Shaq is a basketball legacy and anytime anyone refers to Shaquille’s current performance as Shaq they are destroying his legacy.

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No alien ambassador for the United Nations.

November 13, 2010 2 Comments

Aliens think humans are racist and xenophobic.

Aliens think humans are racist and xenophobic.

In September 2010 there was a news story that the United Nations appointed an ambassador for aliens or extraterrestrials.  This ambassador was supposed to coordinate responses to all alien contact and represent all humanity when interacting with aliens.

The United Nations later said that this story was false and that they didn’t plan on having an alien ambassador. 

That is good because there is no point in having an alien ambassador.

If people want to impress aliens they shouldn’t appoint them ambassadors, they should just build the aliens giant temples and statues in their honor. 

If I was an alien and landed on Earth, I wouldn’t want to talk to a United Nations ambassador about cultural differences or foreign policies.  I would want the earthlings to build me statues, bring me gold, get me food, and take me to their leader.   

When aliens land on a planet they usually want the first person they see to take them to their leader.  But that makes sense, when you have an issue with a bill or are trying to get around the rules; you always want to talk to a manager.  Ambassadors aren’t managers, ambassadors are employees and leaders are managers.  That is why aliens want you to take them to your leader, because when you want to bend the rules you don’t want to talk to an employee, you want to talk to the manager.    

If the United Nations do have alien ambassadors it will be very hard for the ambassadors to make a good impression on the aliens.  If aliens see our science fiction movies such as: Skyline, Independence Day, Star Trek, War of the Worlds, Aliens, Predator, Mars Attacks!, etc,  they will see that people are racist and xenophobic towards aliens.  Because the vast majority of our movies about aliens show aliens being evil, greedy, war hungry, and violent. 

People don’t make movies about aliens helping humanity out, such as a movie where aliens drop off the cure for cancer or a movie where aliens give humanity a new cheap source of renewable clean energy.

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Business sunk costs and Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

October 3, 2010 1 Comment

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

 

Some businesses have trouble with sunk costs and are unable to abandon a lost cause.  Twentieth Century Fox has this problem with the movie franchise Big Momma’s House. 

After the Box Office and DVD run of Big Momma’s house, instead of Twentieth Century Fox admitting their mistake and abandoning the project, they went ahead and made the sequal Big Momma’s House 2 and are currently in production of the movie Big Momma’s House 3, called Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.

When Twentieth Century fox was asked why they haven’t abounded the project that should have stayed as a rejected idea from a brain storming session; the president of Twentieth Century Fox responded, “We have spent over $100 Million dollars creating the Big Momma’s House Franchise.”

That is BS.  Twentieth Century Fox haven’t created a Big Momma’s House franchise, they have created a monstrosity.  I have seen better things come out of the Ark of the Covenant.

Bankruptcy laws exist to turn unproductive economic units into productive economic units.  Martin Lawrence as an actor is a productive economic unit.  An actress playing a Momma is a productive economic unit.  A fat suit can be a productive economic unit.  Martin Lawrence playing a momma in a fat suit is an unproductive economic unit. 

We need to force the Big Momma’s House franchise to declare bankruptcy in order to provide more value to society with our scarce resources. 

If Big Momma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son) hits the box office, then all three act stories and movie trilogies everywhere will move down a peg.  Because people will then realize that anything, I mean anything can be made into a trilogy.

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