The real extractors from the movie Inception

May 15, 2011 Leave a comment

Extractors entering people’s dreams

Extractors entering people’s dreams

In the movie Inception there are people called extractors who steal ideas from other people while they are dreaming.  The extractors have to be sleeping in order to enter a dream and steal an idea from another person.

It would be sweet to be an extractor like in the movie Inception, because you would get paid to sleep.  At any other job, if you are caught sleeping, you get fired. 

My only criticism with the movie Inception is that they romanticized the extractor profession, those extractors didn’t seem like real extractors.

In the movie, the extractors wanted to go to sleep to enter someone’s dream, but they never ate really big lunches to help them go to sleep.  At work everyone is ready to take a nap after eating a really big lunch.  So in real life, if these extractors wanted to go to sleep, they would be eating rich calorie packed meals whenever they planned on entering someone’s dreams. 

In real life, extractors would also be 60 pounds over weight, because you don’t burn a lot of calories from those big lunches when the only movement you do at work is rapid eye movement.

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Business sunk costs and Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

October 3, 2010 1 Comment

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

The movie, Big Mamma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son)

 

Some businesses have trouble with sunk costs and are unable to abandon a lost cause.  Twentieth Century Fox has this problem with the movie franchise Big Momma’s House. 

After the Box Office and DVD run of Big Momma’s house, instead of Twentieth Century Fox admitting their mistake and abandoning the project, they went ahead and made the sequal Big Momma’s House 2 and are currently in production of the movie Big Momma’s House 3, called Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son.

When Twentieth Century fox was asked why they haven’t abounded the project that should have stayed as a rejected idea from a brain storming session; the president of Twentieth Century Fox responded, “We have spent over $100 Million dollars creating the Big Momma’s House Franchise.”

That is BS.  Twentieth Century Fox haven’t created a Big Momma’s House franchise, they have created a monstrosity.  I have seen better things come out of the Ark of the Covenant.

Bankruptcy laws exist to turn unproductive economic units into productive economic units.  Martin Lawrence as an actor is a productive economic unit.  An actress playing a Momma is a productive economic unit.  A fat suit can be a productive economic unit.  Martin Lawrence playing a momma in a fat suit is an unproductive economic unit. 

We need to force the Big Momma’s House franchise to declare bankruptcy in order to provide more value to society with our scarce resources. 

If Big Momma’s House 3 (Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son) hits the box office, then all three act stories and movie trilogies everywhere will move down a peg.  Because people will then realize that anything, I mean anything can be made into a trilogy.

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Why did E.T. go home?

February 6, 2010 Leave a comment

E.T. went home for financial reasons.

E.T. went home for financial reasons.

At the end of the movie E.T., E.T. went home in his spaceship. The kid in the movie was really sad about this. I don’t know what the kid was so sad about. What did he think was going to happen?

E.T. isn’t from earth. E.T. lived on a far distant alien planet, where he probably paid into some form of alien social security and has a pension. Did the kid really think that E.T. was going to turn his back on all that money?

E.T. paid into that alien Social Security system because he expected to receive a benefit, because one of these days E.T. is going to be old. When that happens, those alien Social Security checks are going to look a lot more appealing than Reese’s Pieces and bike basket rides.

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Advanced three-fingered aliens

February 6, 2010 Leave a comment

Angry aliens with three fingers

Angry aliens with three fingers

There are a lot of movies that show aliens having three fingers.  That doesn’t make any sense, aliens are supposed to be evolved millions of years beyond us.  What is so evolved about having only three fingers?  Just imagine a three-fingered alien trying to type on a keyboard; it can’t even cover the home row.

I understand why so many aliens want to destroy the Earth.  Aliens land here and see us playing saxophones and flutes; and they get jealous because they can’t play those instruments.  If you think guitar hero is difficult on hard mode for a five-fingered person, just imagine what is like for a three-fingered alien. 

Evolved aliens aren’t superior to humans in every way.

Evolved aliens aren’t superior to humans in every way.

Aliens also have trouble with sign language.  It’s hard to develop an effective sign language when you only have three fingers on each hand.  Aliens are lucky if they can make good baseball hand signals, let alone sign with their hands.  That’s why so many aliens are telepathic.  Millions of years ago aliens were signing to each other and thought screw it, signing with three fingers is about as effective as communicating to humans through crop circles.

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Hitmen getting hit

February 6, 2010 Leave a comment

Hitmen getting hit

Hitmen getting hit

How come in movies, hitmen are always surprised when their boss decides to off them? They work for a business that kills people. It’s like working for a pig slaughtering plant and not expecting to get a ham at Christmas.

Pig Plant Guy: “Your giving me HAM!!… I should have know, you gave all those other people HAMS over the years. I just never thought I would be the one getting a ham.”

If you are a hitman, it’s hard to find out if your boss is trying to kill you. Hitmen meet in creepy places with bizarre instructions all the time. If your boss tells you, “Meet me at the old docks at 3 am. Tell no one and come alone.” It’s hard for a hitman to give that a second thought.

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Moving out of your apartment

February 5, 2010 Leave a comment

Reality TV show about people moving out of their apartments.

Reality TV show about people moving out of their apartments.

The most intense reality TV show would be one about people moving out of their apartment when their lease is up.  I think there are a lot of people out there who would want to watch a TV show about tenants frantically trying to clean up their apartments and getting their full security deposit back. 

Seeing someone win a quarter of a million dollars on the Biggest Loser is ok… good.  But it doesn’t trigger as many emotions as seeing someone get their entire $600 security deposit back.  Someone moving out of their apartment doesn’t just make good reality TV, it also makes a good movie.  Forget A-bombs and asteroids.  That is nothing compared to the emotions, pain, drama, uncertainty, and fear involved with moving out of your apartment. 

The only reason there hasn’t been a movie made about someone moving out of their apartment, is that it is too much story for one movie.  A movie about someone moving out of their apartment needs to be a trilogy a minimal to tell the entire story.  Maybe, just maybe, you could cut the story down to a movie and a sequel.  But to do that, you would have to cut out all of the parts about the landlord. 

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The effect of all natural candy on Willy Wonka’s business

January 3, 2010 Leave a comment

The effect of all natural candy on Willy Wonka’s business

The effect of all natural candy on Willy Wonka’s business

The all natural organic food movement is really bad for Willy Wonka’s candy business. It’s hard to market your candy as all natural when it comes out of a giant factory with huge smoke stacks and all of the factory workers are discolored midgets.

The public story is that the Oompa Loompas came from Loompaland, which is a region of Loompa in the Pacific Ocean. But the real story is that the Oompa Loompas are just people from Brooklyn who found out that some side effects do last forever.

There is no way that Willy Wonka’s candy is all natural: three-course-dinner gum that turns you into a giant grape, fizzy-lifting drinks, and the gobstoppers that never run out of flavor.

In order for Willy Wonka to make candy that has those effects; the candy has to be loaded with so many chemicals, additives, and preservatives; that they make hot dogs look like they are freshly grown.

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The fifth dimension and time traveling

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

According to string theory there are eleven dimensions.  Right now people only know four: length, width, height, and time.  There are a lot people out there who want to discover the fifth dimension.  But, there is no point in discovering the fifth dimension; because right now we barely understand how to travel through the fourth dimension of time.

You can tell we don’t know how time traveling works.  Because whenever people see a movie with time traveling in it, after the movie, people are always arguing in the lobby over the actual way time traveling works and the fake way that was shown in the movie. 

After a movie people don’t argue over how traveling works in the first three dimensions.  “Oh man that person shouldn’t of been able to turn left.”  “I don’t know how they where able to avoid running into that 3-D object.”  “Hey wasn’t it weird how that car went straight.” 

I don’t think it is dumb that we don’t know how to time travel.  I think it is dumb that we don’t know how to talk about time travel.    

That’s why I don’t think we need to discover the fifth dimension.  We barely understand the fourth dimension.  Just imagine how complicated it would be traveling through the fifth dimension, or at least explaining how traveling through the fifth dimension works. 

Maybe it’s a good thing that we don’t know how to travel through time.  As hard as it is to get someone to understand how time traveling works.  It’s even harder to get someone to understand that they can’t go back in time because they will screw everything up!!  Some heroes say, “But that bad guy went back in time.”  You tell that hero, “NO! I don’t care what that bad guy did.” 

The five dimensions

The five dimensions

Traveling through the four dimensions

Traveling through the four dimensions

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Horror and technology

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

In the movie Pulse, ghosts attack and haunt people through computers and cell phones. That doesn’t make any sense? How are these ghosts getting Internet access?  Are there public access computer labs in the netherworld where ghosts can send out haunting emails and keep abreast in new technologies? 

That must be a very crowded place.  Ghosts never have to eat or sleep, so there is nothing to stop spirits from hogging computer lab time.  If there isn’t internet access in the netherworld, then I assume ghosts would have to go to the living world to get internet access.  That would be one strange conversation.

Scene – (A ghost shows up at the door of a Guy’s House.)
Ghost:  Hey, can I use your computer really quick?
Resident:  For what?
Ghost:  Oh I need to haunt some kids

Resident: What are you some kind of sick freak?
Ghost:  I am not sick, I’m dead.  Do you see how I don’t have a body and have red glowing eyes.
Resident: Why don’t you just go to their house and haunt them in person?
Ghost:  Ahh… I don’t know the people very well; I thought an email would be less intrusive.
Resident:   …No
Ghost: Well, I will be on your porch if you  
(door slames)
Ghost:  Change your mind… Hey, I wonder if the library is open today.

There is always a certain amount of uncertainty when you receive an email from a ghost.  You never know how many other people the ghost sent that email to or you never know if the ghost is haunting just you or other people too.  If the email says, “I am going to get you on the 25th -the ghost.”  You can’t tell if that email was sent to you or half the town.  If you get those generic emails in your inbox, just chuck them.  Because more likely than not, they are spam.  However, if you get an email that says, “Dear Sam Fredrickson I am going to get you on the 25th because you made fun of me in gym on December 13th last year. – the ghost.”  Then you know that is a legitimate email that needs to be addressed.

All experienced ghosts agree that it is much better to haunt someone in person or in their dreams that electronically.  But if you are being haunted in your dreams it is still not a guarantee that you are the only one who the ghost is haunting. 

Scene – (Students eating lunch in a school cafeteria.)

Gill: Freddy was in my dream last night, he said I was going to be the first one he gets
Jenny:  What?  That hussie told me I was going to be the first one he gets.
Frank:  I think he got Scott last night.
Jenny:  Scott?  Since when does Scott see Freddy in his dreams?

Horror and technology

Horror and technology

Filed under Monsters, Movies Tagged with , , , ,

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