Guinness World Records and steroids

January 7, 2012 Leave a comment

Guinness World Records and steroids

Guinness World Records and steroids

Every year people set new Guinness World Records or break old ones. Currently most Guinness World Records do not test challengers for steroid use

I think Guinness World Records are only legitimate if the challengers are tested for steroid use, where a positive result results in disqualification.

Breaking 80 eggs with your head in a minute is impressive, but anyone can do that if they are hopped up on steroids.

The same thing is true for non-athletic events such as “largest hamburger (590 pounds)” and “most people with mustaches in a single gathering (1,133)”.

When you allow people who use steroids challenge world records, you set inflated or unrealistic numbers.

In 2008 a group of people in Ireland broke the world record for “most people dressed as Smurfs in one place (1,253)”. I bet 18 of those 1,253 people were on steroids. If those 18 people were not on steroids, chances are only 1,242 people would have showed up dressed as surfs.

Without the increased endurance and the roid rage that the steroids provide, some of the people on steroids would of just stayed home and watched TV instead. The record would have an additional two less people, because two of the 1,253 challengers dressed as smurfs were recruited by people on steroids, and without the steroids; the recruiters would have not been persuasive enough to get the people to participate.

1,253   People dressed as smurfs
-       9    People on steroids who would of stayed home
-       2    People who would only have be recruited by people on steroids
1,242    True record set for “most Smurfs in one place”

We need to ban steroid use in Guinness World Records, because it gives people who use them an unfair advantage and people keep setting records that are not attainable through natural methods.

Filed under Culture, Sports Tagged with , , , ,

Glitter

December 3, 2011 Leave a comment

Glitter never goes away

Glitter never goes away

If you ever use glitter or come into contact with glitter, you know that it never goes away.  It is basically just like radioactive waste, it has a huge half-life.

You can imagine that the glitter factories are just covered in glitter from use. Unfortunately, once these factories are done making glitter, they can’t be converted to another use because the spilt glitter and the remains of glitter explosions in the factory will never go away.   So the glitter factories essential have to be buried underground when they are done being used so that the glitter doesn’t spill out and contaminate people or the environment.

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Is it dangerous to shop on Black Friday?

December 3, 2011 1 Comment

Black Friday shopping

Black Friday shopping

Unfortunately on Black Friday, a few people usually die from being attacked or trampled by other shoppers. Because of this, many people think that it is dangerous to shop on Black Friday.

I don’t agree with this. On average, one person dies everyday while shopping in the US. And on Black Friday, there are about ten times as many shoppers than there are on a normal day. So although more people die on Black Friday, the deaths per shopper is actually lower your average shopping day.

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Leaving money to your pets

October 23, 2011 1 Comment

Leaving money to your pets

Leaving money to your pets

People who are single sometimes leave money to their pets in their will. Unfortunately if you leave money in your will to your pet, the potential heirs always challenge your mental state, saying that you were not of sound mind when you made the request of “fluffy gets half of everything.”

The law views pets as property, so if you plan on leaving property to property, legal people think you are crazy.

Example: “I want my coffee pot to have my Mallrats DVD.” = crazy

I think more people would leave money to their pets in their will, but don’t because they don’t want other people talking about whether or not they were crazy after they die. It is hard to have a good funeral for yourself when the people in the congregation are splitting time between thinking about fond memories of you and thinking of any memories that prove that you were mentally insane.

That is messed up. If you leave $3,000 to your pet when you die, your sanity is reviewed and you can be determined to be mentally unsound. But if in your estate you leave: a baby toupee, your ex-wife’s wedding dress, and a UFO detector to people, no one will ever review your sanity after death and you are determined to be sound as a pound.

Filed under Animals, Business, Culture Tagged with , , , , , , ,

The United Nations is not moon friendly

September 1, 2011 Leave a comment

United Nations’ diplomatic envoy

United Nations’ diplomatic envoy

People thought that we would be living on the moon by 2020.  But that probably won’t happen, because the United Nations passed a stupid Moon Treaty.

The Moon Treaty essentially states that no individual or organization can own land on the moon.  The Treaty was made so that countries wouldn’t fight each other over moon assets or resources.

That is dumb.  There are some people who would want to live on the moon, but don’t because they can’t own the land.  The Moon Treaty is delaying the settlement of the Moon.    I think that the United Nations should offer free land to the first 80,000 moon settlers.  People currently aren’t too excited about living on the moon, that is why we need to use free land as door busters to get people into the store.

But, the United Nations (UN) will never give out free land to the first moon settlers.  The UN doesn’t want people living on the moon.  The United Nations enacted the moon treaty so that no one would live and the moon and that way the UN wouldn’t have to send ambassadors and peacekeepers to the moon to straighten out conflicts.  Sending one group of UN peacekeepers or ambassadors to the moon is basically a third of the UN’s budget for the year.

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Dalai Lama retires as Tibet’s political leader in response to a Tibet TV commercial by Groupon.

March 19, 2011 Leave a comment

Tibet Groupon Dalai Lama

Tibet Groupon Dalai Lama

 

In 2011 the Dalai Lama stepped down as Tibet’s political leader.  The leader said that he is stepping down because political rule by leaders or kings is out of date and that Tibetans should have a democratically elected political representative to help Tibet gain independence.  The Dalai Lama said that he will not step down from being a spiritual leader. 

The Dalai Lama also said that the Tibet Super Bowl TV Commercial by Groupon aided in his decision to retire.  The Dalai Lama said that the Groupon ad which compared  Tibetans’ 60 year 800,000 casualty struggle for independence to Americans eating fish curry at restaurants, was tasteless and offensive.  The leader said, “I usually have a live and let live Philosophy, however in this one instance I am going to spend the beginning of my retirement getting even with Groupon with an eye for an eye philosophy.”  The Dalai Lama said that he will still fight for a free Tibet, but that he will have to split his time between updating freetibet.org and grouponsucks.com.

This is the first time in 300 years and over 14 reincarnations that the Dalai Lama has decided to get sweet revenge against a website.

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Zombies vs. Vampires, which is better?

March 13, 2011 Leave a comment

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Vampires and zombies are essentially the same: they are both dead, they both feed on people, and both can turn people into themselves.  I fell bad for zombies though because lots of people want to be vampires but nobody wants to be a zombie. 

When is the last time you saw a movie or read a book that put zombies in a good light or showed the sensitive side of zombies?  Or when is the last time you heard someone say, “You know I wish I was a zombie.”

Zombie life is much less romantic than vampire life.  Vampires own mansions, zombies just surprise you in a room of a mansion.  Vampires wear fine Italian clothing.  Zombies were torn street clothes.  Vampires don’t age; zombies look like they are dead.  Vampires speak eloquently; zombies can barely speak a full sentence. 

I guess people like vampires more than zombies because if a vampire turns you into one of them, that really isn’t that bad, maybe it’s a step up or a step down.  But if a Zombie turns you into one of them, that is a huge step down.  Being a zombie has the same status quo as a hot dog concession stand worker for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

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Health care reform home remedies and the common cold

January 8, 2011 1 Comment

With health care reform more people will use home remedies to fight the cold.

With health care reform more people will use home remedies to fight the cold.

Health care reform has changed it so that over-the-counter medicine is only tax deductible from a flex spending account if you have a doctor’s note.

That sucks.  Over-the-counter medicine works very well for fighting colds.  Now that cold medicines such as Robitussin, Dayquil, and Actifed are no longer tax deductible from a flex spending account, they are essentially more expensive than they were before and people will buy less of them and opt for home remedies and all natural treatments to fight colds.

I am fine with the good home remedies that people use to fight colds including: drinking lots of water, vitamin C, chicken noodle soup, and spicy food.

It’s the bad home remedies that I have a problem with.  There are a lot of home remedies out there that just don’t work.  I have heard of people using orange peels, bee pollen, grapefruit seed extract, and tonic water with nutmeg to fight the cold. 

In our modern society, there is no reason to use far fetched home remedies in lieu of tested cold medicine.  Orange peels and bee pollen, really!  Should people start eating egg sandwiches to treat high blood pressure?  That doesn’t make any sense to me. 

How come when some people get sick, instead of going for the sure bet with the over-the-counter medicine, they decide to go over to the roulette wheel and hope that the ball lands on their home remedy? 

Is it really that fun every time your sick to get the old gumbo pot out and make your own concoction that you believe will cure what ails ya.

Filed under Culture, Law Tagged with , , , , , ,

No alien ambassador for the United Nations.

November 13, 2010 2 Comments

Aliens think humans are racist and xenophobic.

Aliens think humans are racist and xenophobic.

In September 2010 there was a news story that the United Nations appointed an ambassador for aliens or extraterrestrials.  This ambassador was supposed to coordinate responses to all alien contact and represent all humanity when interacting with aliens.

The United Nations later said that this story was false and that they didn’t plan on having an alien ambassador. 

That is good because there is no point in having an alien ambassador.

If people want to impress aliens they shouldn’t appoint them ambassadors, they should just build the aliens giant temples and statues in their honor. 

If I was an alien and landed on Earth, I wouldn’t want to talk to a United Nations ambassador about cultural differences or foreign policies.  I would want the earthlings to build me statues, bring me gold, get me food, and take me to their leader.   

When aliens land on a planet they usually want the first person they see to take them to their leader.  But that makes sense, when you have an issue with a bill or are trying to get around the rules; you always want to talk to a manager.  Ambassadors aren’t managers, ambassadors are employees and leaders are managers.  That is why aliens want you to take them to your leader, because when you want to bend the rules you don’t want to talk to an employee, you want to talk to the manager.    

If the United Nations do have alien ambassadors it will be very hard for the ambassadors to make a good impression on the aliens.  If aliens see our science fiction movies such as: Skyline, Independence Day, Star Trek, War of the Worlds, Aliens, Predator, Mars Attacks!, etc,  they will see that people are racist and xenophobic towards aliens.  Because the vast majority of our movies about aliens show aliens being evil, greedy, war hungry, and violent. 

People don’t make movies about aliens helping humanity out, such as a movie where aliens drop off the cure for cancer or a movie where aliens give humanity a new cheap source of renewable clean energy.

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Barack Obama’s presidential approval rating falls

September 1, 2010 2 Comments

People’s approval rating of Barack Obama.

People’s approval rating of Barack Obama.

People’s approval rating of everything in general

People’s approval rating of everything in general

When Barack Obama entered office he had a 68 percent approval rating.  It has gone down since then and on August 12, 2010 Obama’s approval rating dropped to 42 percent.

Some people see this and think that the public doesn’t think that Obama is doing a good job. 

But that is not true; most people think that Barack Obama is doing a good job.  People are just angrier and unhappier these days and their approval of everything has gone down.  Obama’s job approval rating has decreased since he has been in office, but his approval rating hasn’t decreased more than people’s approval of other things in their lives, including food, traffic, weather, ect.  For example on August 12, 2010 US citizens had a 64 percent approval rating for Kit Kat as a candy bar.  When Obama took office, Kit Kat had an 82 percent approval rating as a candy bar.    

Some reasons that people are unhappy currently are: they are broke, world issues, divorce, and social issues such as: abortion, gay marriage, and immigration. 

The highest approval rating President John F. Kennedy ever had in office was 80 percent on March 13, 1962.  That sounds great, but that approval rating is inflated.  John F. Kennedy’s approval rating wasn’t that high.  The only reason it was recorded as 80 percent was because it was the 60’s and people were happier then and everybody essentially approved of everything.  In the 60’s, things were groovy, people were traveling to space, love was free, and there was a lot of civil rights and social progress being made.  In the 60’s cockroaches had a 39 percent approval rating, there was not much people in the 60’s didn’t like. 

So when you are analyzing presidential approval ratings and job performance you need to need to factor in how happy or content the people of that decade were, because some decade’s people are chipper and some decade’s people are pouty.

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