Culture | Pondering Stuff

Salaries of government employees posted online

May 11, 2013 Leave a comment

Government transparency

I am a government employee and because of government transparency, there are many websites online that give information on how much money I make a year.

That sucks that my pay is posted online.

There are certain times when I want to embellish my income a little.

If I am on a date or discussing my career with some successful people from my high school, I always give myself a healthy raise and increase my job title by two.

When I commit the perfect crime of salary and job title exaggeration I want my targets to toss and turn at night at the unfairness that has been bestowed upon me.

I don’t want to commit the perfect crime and then 45 seconds later one of my targets pulls up my salary on their iPhone and they tell me that my healthy raise doesn’t match up with the pay reported on the website, and that I am actually an assistant and not a supervisor… That is one of the downsides of the public sector.

I couldn’t get one night! You couldn’t give me one night!!!

Filed under Culture, Jobs Tagged with employee, Government, online, salaries, transparency, wages

Rich people getting married

April 18, 2013 Leave a comment

Wealthy family wedding etiquette.

One of my buddies is getting married.

He lives in a mansion that is just cluttered with chandeliers, custom made furniture, and Faberge eggs, so it is difficult for me to get him a wedding present. Because no matter what I give him, it won’t be up to his standard of living and will just be a nice gesture in his eyes. I don’t want to give my buddy a nice gesture for his wedding. I am not buying him a waffle iron just so he could activate the good gesture part of his brain and get a warm fuzzy feeling. I am buying him a waffle iron to make waffles, that is what people who don’t pay $20 for an order of crepes do.

But at least I am not part of his wedding party. With the class divide in that group, it is going to make for one awkward Grooms dinner.

Dad: “Hey did you guys hear the joke about the Faberge egg and the butler who was mistaken for a boat hand.”

Rich Person 1: “We need to stop global warming, if our sea levels rise eight feet, thousands of Islands will disappear. We need to protect this planet’s supply of private islands. Because if it isn’t a private island, then what’s the point?”

Rich Person 2: “I know what you are going through.”

Me: “Really?”

Rich Person 2: “No I have no idea what you are going through, those things don’t happen to people with money. I am as clueless as the guy who asked my doorman if he could bring his car around… does he have any idea what a doorman does?”

Filed under Culture Tagged with loaded, rich, wealthy, wedding, wedding gift

Too old to be one of the boxcar children

March 31, 2013 Leave a comment

The boxcar children

Being an adult sucks, if you are an adult, everyone looks down on you if you are homeless and living in a railroad boxcar.

If you are in high school or middle school and living in a railroad boxcar, it is cute and endearing like the boxcar children. The whole town loves you, because you and the other orphans are out there solving mysteries and doing laundry.

But if you are a 30 years old living in an abandoned boxcar solving mysteries and doing laundry everyone treats you as the scourge of society, a blight that must be removed.

Even the boxcar children would say that you do not belong in their town.

Filed under Books, Culture Tagged with aging, boxcar children, homeless, silver city

Anti-Valentine’s Day

February 17, 2013 Leave a comment

Anti Valentine’s Day activity.

I usually take part in Anti-Valentines Day activities on February 14th. Some of my favorite Anti-Valentines Day activities include:

1. Watching divorce court.

2. Instead of exchanging flowers, I give cactuses to people I don’t like.

3. I go dog shopping, because they will never leave me…and if they do I WILL CALL THREE DOG POUNDS AND FOUR ANIMAL SHELTERS AND TRACK THEM DOWN.

4. I don’t buy anything red or pink during the week of Valentine’s Day. Sorry strawberries and Smart Ones TV dinners you will have to wait a week.

I just wish Anti-Valentines day didn’t fall on February 14th. It’s hard for me to schedule an Anti-Valentine’s Day get together because everyone has Valentine’s Day plans.

If Anti-Valentines day was in May I think the holiday would get a lot more expose and it would help people get into the Anti-Valentines Day spirit.

Filed under Culture, Holiday Tagged with anti-valentine's day, February 14th, flowers, valentine's day

White House is haunted

December 23, 2012 Leave a comment

Ghosts in the White House

There have been many ghost sightings at the White House over the years.

That is crazy, we have a 15 trillion dollar economy, 310 million citizens, play a strong role in world events.
And we run that entire operation out of a 200 year old known haunted house.

You would never see that in the private sector. A corporation would never appoint a new CEO and then force him to live and work out of a haunted house.

That is why corporations merge and relocate their corporate headquarters all the time. The longer you have a place, the better the chance of it becoming occupied by ghosts or spirits. Ghosts and spirits do not increase employee productivity and distract employees from doing their job.

I think the United States need to take a page out of the private sector playbook and relocate the governor’s mansions and the White House into newer buildings. That way our leaders won’t spend so much time thinking “What was that noise?”, “Did I see that?” and they will be able to spend more time doing their job.

Filed under Culture Tagged with ghosts, haunted, Obama, president, white house

Corporate sponsors and government

November 25, 2012 Leave a comment

Post office solves its problems.

When it comes to corporate sponsorship the US government acts high and mighty and wants to be a neutral oasis away from commercialism. They will put ads on buses and park benches, but won’t take it one step further.

That makes no sense. The US Postal Service is about to go bankrupt and there are about 500,000 postal worker uniforms and 200,000 mail trucks with no ads on them.

To help the Post Office balance its budget, the US should just slap some Dominos, Valvoline, and GoDaddy ads on those mail trucks and postal uniforms.

Many activities such as NASCAR, the WNBA, and the Olympics owe their longevity and success to corporate sponsors.

It is fiscally irresponsible for the government to not use corporate sponsorships to help fund its government services.

Look at the US space program, the entire NASA shuttle program has been decommissioned. But Red Bull corporate sponsorships make it possible for people to jump from space. If NASA would have allowed advertisements on their space shuttles and spacesuits they would be launching rockets into space right now testing new devices and advancing our scientific knowledge. But instead they are sitting at home with their mistaken pride twiddling their thumbs.

Corporate sponsors and aliens.

Filed under Culture Tagged with aliens, bankruptcy, corporate, post office, postal service, sponsors

Publishers decide to reboot books

June 27, 2012 1 Comment

Publishers remake books

Movie studios are remaking movies more and more now: King Kong, Footloose, Ocean’s 11, etc.

I don’t understand why book publishers don’t remake books too.

A lot of movies get remade because they are out of date or to put current actors in them.

Books can be remade for the same reasons. Although books can’t take advantage of breakthroughs in special effects; in the book remake, the writer could just describe the action sequence better to make it seem more realistic to the reader.

A lot of people might not be too excited to read the original book Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky. But if people see that Danielle Steel or Dean Koontz is writing the remake, then they may want to read the book remake.

Or book publishers might try to give To Kill a Mockingbird a more modern feel by making it take place on the moon and making Boo Radley a cyborg.

Filed under Books, Culture, Movies Tagged with books, Movies, reboot, remake

Battleships State Names

May 27, 2012 Leave a comment

Battleships are named after US states currently.

The United States names all of its battleships after states. I don’t know why we name our battleships after states? We have the USS South Dakota, USS Alabama, USS Iowa; most state names don’t inspire confidence or strike fear into the hearts of our enemies.

The enemies don’t go, “Oh no here comes the USS Iowa, we better run.” Allies don’t go, “thank god, here comes the North Dakota, we are saved.”

England gives their battleships cool confidence inspiring names such as: Conqueror, Thunder, and Centurion. They don’t have the USS Alabama, which is a South Dakota class battleship.

I think we should give our battleships cool names like: Zeus, Juggernaut, or Big Bear.

Blue Ivy is a better battleship name than South Dakota.

Filed under Culture Tagged with battleship, battleships, names, state names

Do vegetarians have better sex?

February 26, 2012 1 Comment

Do Vegetarians Have Better Sex?

PETA claims that Vegetarians have better sex than meat eaters. They say this is true because vegetarians weight less on average and have more sexual energy and stamina from eating more nutritiously.

I don’t buy that. There is no way that vegetarians have better sex than meat eaters.

The vegetarian food pyramid had a bean and legume food group which suggests that vegetarians should two to eat three servings of beans a day. There is no way that having sex with someone who eats three servings of beans a day is more fun than having sex with someone who is 7 pounds overweight and has less sexual potency.

PETA should definitely put an asterisk next to the phrase “Vegetarians have better sex”. That states results differ if vegetarians eat beans or asparagus 48 hours prior to sex.

Filed under Culture Tagged with beans, better, PETA, sex, vegetarians

We need to force Coke to patent its drink formula

February 1, 2012 1 Comment

World without Coke

Coke holds its drink formula as a trade secret. The formula is locked in a safe and is only known by a handful of people at any given time.

That is so stupid. It would just take one freak accident or disaster and the formula to make Coca-Cola could be lost forever. Billions of cases of Coke are sold every year. Not having Coke for people to drink is not an option.

That is why we need the government to step in and force Coke to patent its drink formula. If Coke is patented, mankind will retain the knowledge of how to make Coke forever.
We can’t lose the formula for Coke; it would be like losing a species of animal.

If a species of bird or mammal was about to go extinct, the government would immediately step in and make sure that it doesn’t happen.

Right now Coca-Cola is on the verge of extinction and the government plans on doing nothing; even though the vast majority of people consider losing Coca-Cola more devastating than losing eight rare bird species.

The United States economy needs Coca-Cola.

Coca-Cola is part of the United States infrastructure like airports. Our current GDP and rate of GDP growth is only possible because of our air transportation and Coca-Cola infrastructure. A workforce that has access to Coke can produce more goods and services than a work force that does not have access to Coke.

If the Coca-Cola formula was lost and US workers were forced to switch to Pepsi, economists predict that it would take 12.7 million more workers and two major technological breakthroughs to maintain the same level of productivity.

Economists also estimate that in a world without coke, American households on average would need to earn $2,000 more a year and have one less in-law to maintain the same standard of living.

Filed under Business, Culture Tagged with business, coca-cola, coke, formula, secret formula

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