Decrease your property taxes

February 5, 2013 Leave a comment

How to decrease property taxes.

How to decrease property taxes.

Problem neighbors who live next door to you who have a strange lifestyle or an unkept house can decrease your property value by ten percent.

I don’t understand why people complain about their problem neighbors.

Problem neighbors are great; they decrease the property taxes you pay, since property taxes on based on your home’s value.

Each problem neighbor you have is like a tax deduction and the more problem neighbors you have the more property tax deductions you get.

If a neighborhood wants to save money on their property taxes they should try to maximize their problem neighbor deduction, by:

1. Landscaping everyone’s yard incorrectly and putting up an excessive amount of wind socks in the front yard.

2. Have houses add chicken coops to their backyard and add an acoustic wall to project the chicken clucks further

3. Have the neighbors call in or orchestrate fake crimes around the neighborhood to boost crime statistics.

“Hello Police someone vandalized one of my windsocks and one of my chickens was stolen.

If you do all of those things, the county assessors will think that your house is located in a lawless unsightly wasteland, and they will give your property tax bill the “you will never sell your house” thirty percent discount.

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Children stories and consumer confidence

September 8, 2012 Leave a comment

Ron Paul's financial advisor

Ron Paul’s financial advisor

Many people around the world are arguing that gold or other precious metals should be used to back currency. They don’t trust fiat currencies, because there is nothing to back it up.

I think the childhood stories we read growing up are part to blame for this. The childhood stories always had characters interact with gold, and gold is given all this awe. Hens lay golden eggs, kings turn things they touch into gold, people weave straw into gold, and so on.
Maybe people would have more confidence and trust in our modern financial system if they hear about it in stories growing up. In Jack and the Beanstalk, instead of the hen laying golden eggs, maybe the hen lays rolls of 20’s. In King Midas and the Golden Touch, instead of touching things and turning them into gold, maybe when he touches things they turn into coupons, rain checks, and government bonds. Or in Rumpelstiltskin, instead of weaving straw into gold, maybe Rumpelstiltskin weaves straw into gift cards and travelers checks.

If the stores we read growing up showcase our modern economic system in them; then the public will have more faith and trust in our financial system and it will increase consumer confidence.

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Wal-Mart makes their stores better and it actually hurts their business

March 6, 2012 Leave a comment

Wal-Mart recently tried to upgrade their stores making them more presentable, carry better clothing brands, and carry fewer items in bulk sizes.

After Wal-Mart upgraded their stores, they actually had declining sales; they lost their low price image with customers because their stores looked nicer.

I love that, Wal-Mart made their stores better and it actually hurt their business.

Most consumers are hurting these days and want to pay the lowest price possible. If you are in a store and you are not scared or embarrassed to be there, you are probably not paying the lowest price possible. That is what Wal-Mart lost. Shopping at Wal-Mart used to be “walking in on someone in the bathroom” embarrassing, but now with the new remodeled stores, it is more “having spinach stuck in your teeth” embarrassing.

Currently “Dollar Store” sales are doing great and Dollar General is opening over 600 stores in 2012. That is because their stores are still embarrassing and scary to be in which gives them a great low price image.

If Wal-Mart wants to reclaim their low price image, they should just try sweeping their store floors less, start carrying off brand clothing, and start downgrading stores. Instead of opening a newly constructed store, they should just move into an old abandoned building and buy florescent lights that flicker on and off, to trick customers into thinking they have entered the seventh circle of hell.

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We need to force Coke to patent its drink formula

February 1, 2012 1 Comment

World without Coke

World without Coke

Coke holds its drink formula as a trade secret. The formula is locked in a safe and is only known by a handful of people at any given time.

That is so stupid. It would just take one freak accident or disaster and the formula to make Coca-Cola could be lost forever. Billions of cases of Coke are sold every year. Not having Coke for people to drink is not an option.

That is why we need the government to step in and force Coke to patent its drink formula. If Coke is patented, mankind will retain the knowledge of how to make Coke forever.
We can’t lose the formula for Coke; it would be like losing a species of animal.

If a species of bird or mammal was about to go extinct, the government would immediately step in and make sure that it doesn’t happen.

Right now Coca-Cola is on the verge of extinction and the government plans on doing nothing; even though the vast majority of people consider losing Coca-Cola more devastating than losing eight rare bird species.

The United States economy needs Coca-Cola.

Coca-Cola is part of the United States infrastructure like airports. Our current GDP and rate of GDP growth is only possible because of our air transportation and Coca-Cola infrastructure. A workforce that has access to Coke can produce more goods and services than a work force that does not have access to Coke.

If the Coca-Cola formula was lost and US workers were forced to switch to Pepsi, economists predict that it would take 12.7 million more workers and two major technological breakthroughs to maintain the same level of productivity.

Economists also estimate that in a world without coke, American households on average would need to earn $2,000 more a year and have one less in-law to maintain the same standard of living.

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Is it dangerous to shop on Black Friday?

December 3, 2011 1 Comment

Black Friday shopping

Black Friday shopping

Unfortunately on Black Friday, a few people usually die from being attacked or trampled by other shoppers. Because of this, many people think that it is dangerous to shop on Black Friday.

I don’t agree with this. On average, one person dies everyday while shopping in the US. And on Black Friday, there are about ten times as many shoppers than there are on a normal day. So although more people die on Black Friday, the deaths per shopper is actually lower your average shopping day.

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The Government and the collectors market

November 9, 2011 Leave a comment

Government action to help the collectibles market.

Government action to help the collectibles market.

During the 2007 recession, the government bailed out the stock market by: cutting interest rates, taking over companies too big to fail, and starting bank TARP programs.

Bailing out Wall Street is great for stock owners, but is sucks for people who invested outside of Wall Street in collectibles such as: Star Wars figurines, Faberge eggs, and Cabbage Patch dolls. Those owners have received little to no alleviation from the Federal government in response to the falling collectible values during the recession.

The federal government never took any toxic beanie babies assets off the market to help unfreeze the stuffed animal collectibles market.

The government never made it a requirement that third parties perform audits on eBay listings to make the information more reliable for investors.

The government never passed a first-time Faberge egg buyer credit, to help reduce the supply of Faberge eggs in the sellers market.

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Leaving money to your pets

October 23, 2011 1 Comment

Leaving money to your pets

Leaving money to your pets

People who are single sometimes leave money to their pets in their will. Unfortunately if you leave money in your will to your pet, the potential heirs always challenge your mental state, saying that you were not of sound mind when you made the request of “fluffy gets half of everything.”

The law views pets as property, so if you plan on leaving property to property, legal people think you are crazy.

Example: “I want my coffee pot to have my Mallrats DVD.” = crazy

I think more people would leave money to their pets in their will, but don’t because they don’t want other people talking about whether or not they were crazy after they die. It is hard to have a good funeral for yourself when the people in the congregation are splitting time between thinking about fond memories of you and thinking of any memories that prove that you were mentally insane.

That is messed up. If you leave $3,000 to your pet when you die, your sanity is reviewed and you can be determined to be mentally unsound. But if in your estate you leave: a baby toupee, your ex-wife’s wedding dress, and a UFO detector to people, no one will ever review your sanity after death and you are determined to be sound as a pound.

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Bartering as the new method of exchange for goods and services

July 3, 2011 1 Comment

Bartering for goods

Bartering for goods

With the current financial turmoil, some people think that our monetary system isn’t working and that we should go back to bartering as a method of exchange instead of currency. 

If we switched to bartering as a method of exchange, that would suck for criminals.  Thousands of thieves would keep throwing out their backs, because $10,000 worth of apples is a lot heavier than $10,000. 

Dating wouldn’t be as fun if we went back to the bartering system.  Money is an aphrodisiac.

When a guy goes on a date with a girl, guys usually pay the bill and the girls usually enjoy this because it is: nice, proper, and a turn-on.  But if we go back to a bartering system for the method of exchange, then guys are going to have to pay for dinner with goods such as: eggs, Pepsi, and shingles.  Paying for dinner with a pile of stuff you keep in your car isn’t going to put the woman in the mood.  Paying for a meal with goods is about as impressive and sexy as paying for a meal with a big change jar.

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Life insurance investments on celebrities with drug problems

June 4, 2011 1 Comment

Gary Busey life insurance risk

Gary Busey life insurance risk

It is so dumb that companies can take out life insurance policies on their employees, with the company as the beneficiary receiving the life insurance benefits in the event of an employee’s death. 

Only family members or household members should be able to be the beneficiaries of an employee life insurance policy.

Life insurance shouldn’t be a speculative investment or a financial vehicle that companies and people use on complete strangers.  I shouldn’t be able to take out a life insurance policy on a musician or an actor who has a serious drug problem, with the hope that he or she will kick the bucket.  “Hey you know I need to start saving for retirement, maybe I should buy a life insurance policy on Gary Busy or Courtney Love.”  These are people not crop futures.

Under the current life insurance rules, you can take out a life insurance policy on someone if you are dependent on them for education, support, or have a financial stake. 

So right now, I can try to make money by taking out a life insurance policy on someone who is living life dangerously and make up or create a reason why I am eligible to do so. “I need a life insurance policy on Charlie Sheen because I won a $50,000 bet against him and he hasn’t paid me yet.”  “I need to take out a life insurance policy on Amy Winehouse; because I play her music in my store and if she isn’t alive making new music, my business will go under.”

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Employee medical coverage in the dating world

April 2, 2011 Leave a comment

Employee medical coverage in the dating world

Employee medical coverage in the dating world

Currently my company is thinking about cutting their employees’ medical coverage benefits.  That sucks! 

There are a few single employees at my job.  In the dating scene, people look for: strong physical characteristics, personality, income, and medical coverage in their potential dating options.

There are about 55 million singles in the United States who are either self-employed or have bad medical coverage. 

Currently when the self-employed babes look at my medical coverage it looks like six pack abs to them.  And my company is trying to diminish my great medical coverage and turn my dating scene medical coverage six pack abs into a beer gut.

Medical coverage cuts also suck for married people.  For married couples having good medical coverage is like bringing home Red Lobster for dinner. 

And for married couples having medical coverage decreased is like starting to bring home Burger King for dinner instead of Red Lobster.  Sure you can chew through the Burger King, put it on a table cloth, jazz it up, and have a good time. 

But it is not easy to be viewed as the hero for bringing home Burger King for dinner.

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