Bartering as the new method of exchange for goods and services

July 3, 2011 Leave a Comment

Bartering for goods

Bartering for goods

With the current financial turmoil, some people think that our monetary system isn’t working and that we should go back to bartering as a method of exchange instead of currency. 

If we switched to bartering as a method of exchange, that would suck for criminals.  Thousands of thieves would keep throwing out their backs, because $10,000 worth of apples is a lot heavier than $10,000. 

Dating wouldn’t be as fun if we went back to the bartering system.  Money is an aphrodisiac.

When a guy goes on a date with a girl, guys usually pay the bill and the girls usually enjoy this because it is: nice, proper, and a turn-on.  But if we go back to a bartering system for the method of exchange, then guys are going to have to pay for dinner with goods such as: eggs, Pepsi, and shingles.  Paying for dinner with a pile of stuff you keep in your car isn’t going to put the woman in the mood.  Paying for a meal with goods is about as impressive and sexy as paying for a meal with a big change jar.

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Pole dancing in the Olympics and Olympic demonstrative sports

June 12, 2011 Leave a Comment

Official and unofficial Olympic sports

Official and unofficial Olympic sports

Pole dancing athletes and supporters are trying to make pole dancing an official Olympic sport.  There are currently petitions and lobbying to make pole dancing a demonstrative sport for the 2012 or 2016 summer games.  Demonstrative Olympic sports aren’t official Olympic sports, but are a good way to showcase a new sport and create popularity for it.  

It has got to suck being an athlete for a demonstrative sport.  Every time an athlete from a demonstrative sport steps onto the playing field, they know that the International Olympic Committee doesn’t think that their sport has the character, strength, or skill to be on the same level as other Olympic sports such as Curling, Ping Pong, and Equestrian Dressage (horse ballet).

Some events that have been demonstrative sports include bowling, water skiing, and ski ballet (acroski Winter Olympics).  I think that these sports should not be official Olympic events.  These events are engaging and fun to watch.  But if there is a deadlock in the medal race between: the US,China, andRussia.  I don’t think that bowlers should determine the outcome of the competition.

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Life insurance investments on celebrities with drug problems

June 4, 2011 1 Comment

Gary Busey life insurance risk

Gary Busey life insurance risk

It is so dumb that companies can take out life insurance policies on their employees, with the company as the beneficiary receiving the life insurance benefits in the event of an employee’s death. 

Only family members or household members should be able to be the beneficiaries of an employee life insurance policy.

Life insurance shouldn’t be a speculative investment or a financial vehicle that companies and people use on complete strangers.  I shouldn’t be able to take out a life insurance policy on a musician or an actor who has a serious drug problem, with the hope that he or she will kick the bucket.  “Hey you know I need to start saving for retirement, maybe I should buy a life insurance policy on Gary Busy or Courtney Love.”  These are people not crop futures.

Under the current life insurance rules, you can take out a life insurance policy on someone if you are dependent on them for education, support, or have a financial stake. 

So right now, I can try to make money by taking out a life insurance policy on someone who is living life dangerously and make up or create a reason why I am eligible to do so. “I need a life insurance policy on Charlie Sheen because I won a $50,000 bet against him and he hasn’t paid me yet.”  “I need to take out a life insurance policy on Amy Winehouse; because I play her music in my store and if she isn’t alive making new music, my business will go under.”

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The real extractors from the movie Inception

May 15, 2011 Leave a Comment

Extractors entering people’s dreams

Extractors entering people’s dreams

In the movie Inception there are people called extractors who steal ideas from other people while they are dreaming.  The extractors have to be sleeping in order to enter a dream and steal an idea from another person.

It would be sweet to be an extractor like in the movie Inception, because you would get paid to sleep.  At any other job, if you are caught sleeping, you get fired. 

My only criticism with the movie Inception is that they romanticized the extractor profession, those extractors didn’t seem like real extractors.

In the movie, the extractors wanted to go to sleep to enter someone’s dream, but they never ate really big lunches to help them go to sleep.  At work everyone is ready to take a nap after eating a really big lunch.  So in real life, if these extractors wanted to go to sleep, they would be eating rich calorie packed meals whenever they planned on entering someone’s dreams. 

In real life, extractors would also be 60 pounds over weight, because you don’t burn a lot of calories from those big lunches when the only movement you do at work is rapid eye movement.

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The evolution of animals in landfills

May 8, 2011 1 Comment

The evolution of animals in landfills

The evolution of animals in landfills

I hope that evolution doesn’t exist.  According to evolution new species emerge so that they are more fit to survive in their habitat.    

But, there are over 50,000 landfills in the world.  Landfills are one of the fastest growing habitats on earth.  Everyday we lose about 216 square miles of forest habitat, but we gain about a square mile of landfill habitat. 

I don’t want new animal species evolving out of these landfills.  I don’t want there to be butterflies that have wings which look like coke cans, so that they can better hide from predators.  I don’t want there to be skunks in the land fills which are much stinker so that they are better able to scare away predators who are already used to stinky smells all day long.  I don’t want animals developing second tongues, so that they are better able to process nutrients off of plastic bags.    

Here are three reasons I don’t want evolution to exist or new species of animals evolving out of landfills. 

1.  Difficult to Categorize – There would be a lot of new species false alarms where mutants would be mistaken for new species. 

2.  Exhibits at zoos – I don’t want there to be landfill animal exhibits at zoos. 

3.  Endangered species list – If the new species from the landfill ever become endangered I don’t want people trying to protect them or have people trying to preserve them.

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Employee medical coverage in the dating world

April 2, 2011 Leave a Comment

Employee medical coverage in the dating world

Employee medical coverage in the dating world

Currently my company is thinking about cutting their employees’ medical coverage benefits.  That sucks! 

There are a few single employees at my job.  In the dating scene, people look for: strong physical characteristics, personality, income, and medical coverage in their potential dating options.

There are about 55 million singles in the United States who are either self-employed or have bad medical coverage. 

Currently when the self-employed babes look at my medical coverage it looks like six pack abs to them.  And my company is trying to diminish my great medical coverage and turn my dating scene medical coverage six pack abs into a beer gut.

Medical coverage cuts also suck for married people.  For married couples having good medical coverage is like bringing home Red Lobster for dinner. 

And for married couples having medical coverage decreased is like starting to bring home Burger King for dinner instead of Red Lobster.  Sure you can chew through the Burger King, put it on a table cloth, jazz it up, and have a good time. 

But it is not easy to be viewed as the hero for bringing home Burger King for dinner.

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Dalai Lama retires as Tibet’s political leader in response to a Tibet TV commercial by Groupon.

March 19, 2011 Leave a Comment

Tibet Groupon Dalai Lama

Tibet Groupon Dalai Lama

 

In 2011 the Dalai Lama stepped down as Tibet’s political leader.  The leader said that he is stepping down because political rule by leaders or kings is out of date and that Tibetans should have a democratically elected political representative to help Tibet gain independence.  The Dalai Lama said that he will not step down from being a spiritual leader. 

The Dalai Lama also said that the Tibet Super Bowl TV Commercial by Groupon aided in his decision to retire.  The Dalai Lama said that the Groupon ad which compared  Tibetans’ 60 year 800,000 casualty struggle for independence to Americans eating fish curry at restaurants, was tasteless and offensive.  The leader said, “I usually have a live and let live Philosophy, however in this one instance I am going to spend the beginning of my retirement getting even with Groupon with an eye for an eye philosophy.”  The Dalai Lama said that he will still fight for a free Tibet, but that he will have to split his time between updating freetibet.org and grouponsucks.com.

This is the first time in 300 years and over 14 reincarnations that the Dalai Lama has decided to get sweet revenge against a website.

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Zombies vs. Vampires, which is better?

March 13, 2011 Leave a Comment

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Peoples personal preferences Zombies vs. vampires

Vampires and zombies are essentially the same: they are both dead, they both feed on people, and both can turn people into themselves.  I fell bad for zombies though because lots of people want to be vampires but nobody wants to be a zombie. 

When is the last time you saw a movie or read a book that put zombies in a good light or showed the sensitive side of zombies?  Or when is the last time you heard someone say, “You know I wish I was a zombie.”

Zombie life is much less romantic than vampire life.  Vampires own mansions, zombies just surprise you in a room of a mansion.  Vampires wear fine Italian clothing.  Zombies were torn street clothes.  Vampires don’t age; zombies look like they are dead.  Vampires speak eloquently; zombies can barely speak a full sentence. 

I guess people like vampires more than zombies because if a vampire turns you into one of them, that really isn’t that bad, maybe it’s a step up or a step down.  But if a Zombie turns you into one of them, that is a huge step down.  Being a zombie has the same status quo as a hot dog concession stand worker for the Cleveland Cavaliers.

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Did Dan Brown plagiarize in the Da Vinci Code?

March 12, 2011 Leave a Comment

Dan Brown Steven King Plagiarizing

Dan Brown Steven King Plagiarizing

In 2006, Dan Brown was accused of plagiarizing the book Holy Blood, Holy Grail in his novel The Da Vinci Code.  The courts found him innocent.  However, earlier this week I found proof that Dan Brown did plagiarize.  Dan Brown did steal the ideas he included in his book The Da Vinci Code.  However, he didn’t steal them from the book Holy Blood, Holy Grail.  He stole them from his previously published book Angels and Demons.  Anyone who has read Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code knows that they are the exact same book.

The first 30 pages of The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons are exactly the same.  The author just put the pages in reverse order in The Da Vinci Code to fool readers into thinking they are getting new material. 

The moral of The Da Vinci Code is “peace, truth, and education conquer all.”  The moral of Angels and Demons is very similar, “peace, truth, and perseverance conquers most”.

If regurgitating your previously published work does infringe on copyright laws, then Dan Brown would be in trouble, but not in as much trouble as Steve King and Tony Hillerman, both of these authors would be serving consecutive life sentences.

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Pluto should be a planet

February 12, 2011 2 Comments

Pluto’s status as a planet.

Pluto’s status as a planet.

 

In 2006 the International Astronomers Union demoted Pluto so that it was no longer a planet.  Pluto was demoted because its small size didn’t fall into the new definition of what a planet is. 

That is so stupid.

Saying Pluto isn’t a planet is like telling Pinocchio he isn’t a real boy.  Sure technically Pinocchio isn’t a real boy and he is just a puppet brought to life by the Blue Fairy.  But is telling Pinocchio he isn’t a real boy, really going to accomplish anything, or increase our understanding of the world.

There is absolutely no incentive for us to demote Pluto from its planet status until we land on Pluto and find out that there is no alien life there.  Because if we do land on Pluto and find out that there is alien life, I don’t think telling the inhabitants of Pluto that Earth doesn’t recognize their satellite as a planet would be a good place to start diplomacy.  Telling Plutonians that they don’t live on a planet, is not an insult that can be resolved with a beer; it is an insult that can only be resolved with flying saucers and extreme prejudice.

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