Santa Claus and the Coal Industry

February 19, 2010 1 Comment

I don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore. I used to believe that Santa Claus lived at the North Pole and that he brings gifts to millions of kids around the world on Christmas.

Now that I am older, I know what Santa Claus really is; a lobbyist for the coal industry.

Every year millions of kids receive coal for Christmas. Those kids would not have purchased or received coal if it weren’t for Santa. Through Christmas, Santa Claus has increased the world consumption of coal by 78 percent. I am not saying that Santa Claus was invented by the coal industry to sell coal. That’s just crazy. But, I do think that Santa Clause is deep in the coal industry’s pocket.

How else do you think Santa Claus is able to afford working only one night a year and support his expensive hobby of reindeer breeding?

Over the years, Santa Clause has made coal a common household item, through subliminal advertising and tricky marketing gimmicks, of placing presents and coal together.

There is no reason for Santa Claus to give kids coal for Christmas. Not only is coal a nonrenewable natural resource, but it increases the carbon dioxide concentrations in our atmosphere.

I don’t know why Santa doesn’t give naughty kids bottles of ethanol for Christmas instead of coal. Both coal and ethanol suck as gifts. But, at least ethanol is a renewable resource.