People watch Twilight and True Blood and they think that vampires are cool, hot, and suave. Vampires are nothing like that, vampires are just old people.
If you think your grandparents were stingy because they lived through the great depression, vampires on average have lived through four depressions. If a vampire ever takes you out to [...]
Archive for February, 2010
The true story of vampires
Posted in Monsters, tagged real vampires, truth, vampires on February 20, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Santa Claus and the Coal Industry
Posted in Business, Holiday, tagged coal, coal industry, ethanol, santa claus on February 19, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
I don’t believe in Santa Claus anymore. I used to believe that Santa Claus lives in the North Pole, and that once a year, brings gifts to millions of kids around the world.
Now that I am older, I know what Santa Claus really is; a lobbyist for the coal industry.
Every year millions of kids receive [...]
Why do rich people collect antiques?
Posted in Money, tagged antiques, poor, rich, wealthy on February 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
I don’t understand why rich people buy and collect antiques. Didn’t antique collectors have older brothers or sisters growing up? Aren’t they sick of getting hand-me downs?
I think rich people buy and collect antiques, because they never got hand-me downs growing up. Rich families just went out and bought new stuff and got rid of [...]
Should cloning be legal?
Posted in Medical, Science, tagged adoption, cloning, cloning yourself on February 6, 2010 | 1 Comment »
cloning, illegal, people
Bibles and spring cleaning
Posted in Domestic, tagged bibles, extra bibles, spring cleaning on February 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
I hate it when people give me bibles for presents or when people hand out free pocket Bibles.
Because when it comes time for spring cleaning, how am I supposed to get rid of those extra Bibles. I always go back and forth on whether or not I can throw away a Bible. I am a [...]
Piano wire… the new duck tape?
Posted in Business, Tools, tagged duct tape, piano wire, sharks, spies on February 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
CIA agents use Piano Wire to choke people. Fisherman use piano wire to hunt for sharks and other big fish.
I have a question. Does anyone actually use piano wire for… I don’t know pianos?
People treat piano wire like duct tape, a fix all for everything. “Have a problem, hey just use some piano wire.”
That is [...]
Spelling is tough in Mandarin
Posted in Culture, Education, tagged chinese, difficult, mandarin, spelling on February 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
I am glad that I don’t have to spell, read, or write in Mandarin. Some of the most complicated characters in the Mandarin language take twenty or more strokes to make. The most complicated character in the English language is Q and it only takes two strokes to make; one stroke if it is lower [...]
The womb feeling
Posted in Medical, tagged babies, born, dry skin on February 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
The womb is a great place to be. The best nine months I ever spent. It is even better than sex. I know this, because when people get scared and want to feel good; they get into the fetal position and not the missionary position.
Babies are shocked after they are born when they get chapped [...]
Winnie the Pooh
Posted in Childhood, tagged Pooh Bear, strange, Winnie the Pooh on February 6, 2010 | Leave a Comment »
Many parents like Winnie the Pooh and like it when their kids watch it. I think that that is strange, because all the characters in the Winnie the Pooh universe or the “100 Acre Wood” are really messed up.
First you have Winnie the Pooh or Pooh Bear. Pooh Bear has an obvious substance abuse problem. The [...]
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