Halloween and pumpkin patches

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

Amount of pumpkin patches lost each year.

Amount of pumpkin patches lost each year.

Every year people participate in that late October tradition… the slaughtering of the pumpkin species for Halloween.  Every year people gather pumpkins they don’t plan to eat, cut out their innards, and display their flaming corpse for all to see.  People take slaughtering pumpkins so seriously that they have knives made specially for cutting pumpkins.  When people are done carving their pumpkins for Halloween, they either eat the pumpkin seeds or throw them away in a garbage bags to ensure that they will never grow into a new pumpkin.   

Every year for Halloween people cut down an area of pumpkin patches equal to the size of Rode Island.  The loss of those pumpkins patches decreases the overall oxygen supply on earth and drives dozens of species to the verge of extinction that are dependent on the pumpkin patches’ nutrients and shelter.  Some people believe that pumpkin populations are safe and that people are doing a good job preserving the pumpkin species. 

But let me ask you this.  When was the last time you saw a wild pumpkin growing in the wild? 

The pumpkin version of deforestation.

The pumpkin version of deforestation.

Filed under Culture, Holiday Tagged with , , , ,

Axe, Tag, and Bod colognes banned in some schools

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

Axe, Tag, and Bod colognes banned in some schools

Axe, Tag, and Bod colognes banned in some schools

 

Some schools have banned students from using colognes such as Axe, Tag, and Bod. 

The schools have banned students from using cologne because other students were complaining that their classmates were putting on too much cologne.  Some students put on excessive amounts of cologne because they thought that would make them cooler or appeal more to women.  Other students put on excessive cologne to cover up their smell from not taking showers.  Some students actually developed asthma because they were surrounded by so much cologne. 

This is going to make it harder to market cologne to people in the future.  It’s going to be tough marketing to guys telling them that they want to be the guy with the asthma inhaler who has tons of girls with asthma inhalers going crazy over him every time he puts on AXE cologne.

A way to solve the cologne problem in our schools would be to set up classrooms to have both cologne and non-cologne seating.  “Excuse me teacher, I specifically asked to be seated in the non-cologne seating section.”

Filed under Business, School Tagged with , , , , ,

Cell phones and face-to-face interaction

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

Some people think that cell phones make people worse off because people spend too much time checking their messages and text messaging and that they don’t get enough face-to-face interaction with other people. 

I don’t agree with that.  That’s the same thing people said in the eighteen hundreds, when people started carrying around pocket watches.  In the 1800’s  people would say, “Pocket watches are bad because they decrease the amount of face-to-face interaction people get from visiting the town sun dial.” or “Why do people waste time checking the time on their pocket watch, when there is a perfectly good grandfather clock just down the hall?”

People mainly carry around pocket watches or cell phones for dating. 

Dating a girl was difficult in the 1800’s if you didn’t have a pocket watch.  If you were getting ready for a party that started at eleven, it was hard to arrive fashionably late for that party after dark, if you didn’t have a pocket watch.  If you didn’t have a pocket watch your girlfriend would get really turned off, if you keep track of time after dark with an old cuckcoo clock in the back of your carriage. 

Girls want to date a guy who is with the times, today that means texting and cell phones and back then it meant having a pocket watch and knowing how to cure illnesses by letting blood.    

Pocket watches and cell phones

Pocket watches and cell phones

Filed under Technology Tagged with , , ,

Why I think we should blow up the Himalaya Mountains

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

I think we should blow up Mt. Everest and the rest of the Himalaya Mountains.  Many rain clouds can’t pass through the mountain range to Africa because they are so tall.  That is part if the reason why the Sahara desert covers a third of the continent of Africa.  I can no longer sit back and do nothing while these mountains continue to steal water that belongs to the Sahara desert.

Helping poverty stricken areas of Africa is an important thing to do, but I am pretty sure that Africa would prefer having the Himalaya Mountains blown up, making a third of their continent habitable, over current aid.  The Himalayas don’t even know what to do with all of the water they steal.  They just dump it on India during the monsoon season, which lasts for four months and gives India 80 percent of its precipitation for the year. 

It wouldn’t be that hard to blow up the Himalaya Mountains.  I can think of no fewer than six movie plots where it would work out perfectly.  In one plot, the hero frees Tibet, which unfortunately gets blown up because of its proximately to the Himalayas. In another plot, the hero decides to quit smoking. 

We need to blow up the Himalaya Mountains

We need to blow up the Himalaya Mountains

Filed under Culture, Geography Tagged with , , , ,

iPod, radio, and bathroom jokes

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

Today many people are listing to iPods instead of the Radio.  Because of this radio has a smaller listening audience and radio DJ’s have to try harder and harder to get new listeners.    

In essence, before people started listening to their iPods, radio was just a bunch of bathroom jokes and toilet humor.  Now in desperation to get more listeners radio DJ’s have gotten edgier and have sunk to public urination jokes.  This makes me mad.  Can we get back to bathroom humor? Do we really have to listen to public urination humor?

Radio bathroom jokes

Radio bathroom jokes

Filed under Culture, Music Tagged with , , ,

Horror and technology

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

In the movie Pulse, ghosts attack and haunt people through computers and cell phones. That doesn’t make any sense? How are these ghosts getting Internet access?  Are there public access computer labs in the netherworld where ghosts can send out haunting emails and keep abreast in new technologies? 

That must be a very crowded place.  Ghosts never have to eat or sleep, so there is nothing to stop spirits from hogging computer lab time.  If there isn’t internet access in the netherworld, then I assume ghosts would have to go to the living world to get internet access.  That would be one strange conversation.

Scene – (A ghost shows up at the door of a Guy’s House.)
Ghost:  Hey, can I use your computer really quick?
Resident:  For what?
Ghost:  Oh I need to haunt some kids

Resident: What are you some kind of sick freak?
Ghost:  I am not sick, I’m dead.  Do you see how I don’t have a body and have red glowing eyes.
Resident: Why don’t you just go to their house and haunt them in person?
Ghost:  Ahh… I don’t know the people very well; I thought an email would be less intrusive.
Resident:   …No
Ghost: Well, I will be on your porch if you  
(door slames)
Ghost:  Change your mind… Hey, I wonder if the library is open today.

There is always a certain amount of uncertainty when you receive an email from a ghost.  You never know how many other people the ghost sent that email to or you never know if the ghost is haunting just you or other people too.  If the email says, “I am going to get you on the 25th -the ghost.”  You can’t tell if that email was sent to you or half the town.  If you get those generic emails in your inbox, just chuck them.  Because more likely than not, they are spam.  However, if you get an email that says, “Dear Sam Fredrickson I am going to get you on the 25th because you made fun of me in gym on December 13th last year. – the ghost.”  Then you know that is a legitimate email that needs to be addressed.

All experienced ghosts agree that it is much better to haunt someone in person or in their dreams that electronically.  But if you are being haunted in your dreams it is still not a guarantee that you are the only one who the ghost is haunting. 

Scene – (Students eating lunch in a school cafeteria.)

Gill: Freddy was in my dream last night, he said I was going to be the first one he gets
Jenny:  What?  That hussie told me I was going to be the first one he gets.
Frank:  I think he got Scott last night.
Jenny:  Scott?  Since when does Scott see Freddy in his dreams?

Horror and technology

Horror and technology

Filed under Monsters, Movies Tagged with , , , ,

The environment on Mars

January 2, 2010 Leave a comment

The environment on Mars

The environment on Mars

Every year about 60,000 square miles of forest is destroyed and about 50,000 species in the rainforest become extinct.  A lot of people worry and stress out about this.      

That is why I think that people should live on mars.  People who live on Mars, don’t have to worry about forests being destroyed or animals becoming extinct.  You could move to Mars and live there for ten years straight and the planet would have the same number of living organisms then as it had when you started.  It would be carefree.  Mars is also a great planet to do business.  If a company wants to bulldoze some rocks to make room for a shopping mall, there aren’t any environmental protestors that will chain themselves to rocks, in an effort to stop the bulldozers.

Mankind has been able to live on Mars for years.  But unfortunately the Environmental Protection Agency and the Syndicate of Landlords have intervened to made sure that that will never happen, by delaying launches and sabotaging new technology. 

Both of these groups stand to lose a great deal of money if people move to Mars.  The Environmental Protection Agency rakes in billions of dollars a year protecting spotted owls, forests, and rivers.  The Environmental Protection Agency is worried that if half of the population of Earth moves to Mars, then the endangered animals and damaged environments on Earth would bounce back and there would be no need for the Environmental Protection Agency(EPA).  The EPA wouldn’t make a dime on Mars because nobody is going to want to give money save animals, forests, and rivers that don’t exist.  Landlords are also worried about people moving to mars, because the more people move to MARS, the less tenants there will be on Earth to rent to and they will collect less rent.

Filed under Environment, Science Tagged with , , , , ,

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