Why employee theft is good

 

I don’t know why people are against employee theft.  Employee theft is good.  I would have left my job months ago, if there weren’t excellent employee theft opportunities as part of my overall compensation package. 

If an employee steals from his company or organization, that is then an incentive for the employee to work there longer.  That then decreases employee turnover for the company.  Sometimes the cost of replacing an employee can be two to three times the employee’s salary.  Employee theft saves companies billions of dollars every year with decreased employee turnover, increased productivity, and increased efficiency.

But it is difficult to promote employee theft at work.  You can’t just give your employees bonuses for stealing, because if employees have more money, they will be happier and have less of an incentive to steal.

The best way to promote employee theft is to treat your employees bad, pay them worse, and leave lots of large unprotected boxes out in the open.  But companies and organizations aren’t the only ones that benefit from employee theft; employees benefit too.  They have all this cool stuff lying around their homes.

           

*Warning:  Employee theft conflicts with good morals, and may result in termination and or legal action.