Lasers and NRA membership

Science Fiction community and the NRA

Science Fiction community and the NRA

I think we need to have stricter gun control laws. Unless they invent a laser gun. If they invent a laser gun I am going to do a complete 180 and will be defending the second amendment, joining the NRA, and hunting with my laser gun year round.

I am confused when I see laser battles in science fiction movies. Today people use lasers for cosmetic procedures: Lasik, hair removal, teeth whitening, skin regeneration, etc.

So when I imagine these futuristic laser battles, I am picturing that about half of the soldiers hit by lasers are killed. But the other half actually get cosmetic benefits from getting hit and walk away from the battle looking better than when they entered; either without those bulky glasses or with whiter teeth.

Breaking small laws in horror movie The Purge

In the movie "The Purge", small laws are broken too

In the movie “The Purge”, small laws are broken too

The horror movie The Purge is set in a future United States where every year all crime including murder is legal for a 12 hour period. People usually hide in their homes during this period to protect themselves.

In the movie you see a lot of violence, hiding, and people defending themselves. I don’t know why you don’t see people in the movie taking advantage of the situation by breaking some of the smaller laws. If I was in the middle of “The Purge” I would be: downloading torrents, making moonshine, having my dog drive my car, and selling bootleg copies of Pat Benatar CD’s.

How many kids do you need for a reality TV show?

Is having 19 kids reality TV?

Is having 19 kids reality TV?

I feel bad for a lot of parents today, they could have ten kids and they still wouldn’t be guaranteed to have their own reality TV show. Look at TV now, the shows “19 and Counting” and “United Bates of America” both have 19 kids.

In the reality TV world, ten kids is like the Hollywood squares. It was a big deal 20 years ago, but today you need more. If you have a cute show name like John and Kate Plus 8, you can get away with fewer kids. But if your name is Matt Johnson and you have 8 kids, nothing rhymes with that and you will not get a reality TV show.

Oreos are a great investment

People will always need Oreos

People will always need Oreos

I have had basically no success investing in the stock market. But having a position in Nabisco in your portfolio just makes a lot of sense to me. Tech companies come and go, but Nabisco will be around for thousands of years because of Oreo. People might not always need Google, but they will always need Oreos.

When I look for a potential investment advisor I always make sure to slyly ask them what they think about investing in Nabisco. If their answer in anything less than recommending a portfolio with a twenty percent position in Nabisco, I walk.

Unfortunately I fear Oreos might be mankind’s downfall because it will bring the aliens down upon us. They will attack us to protect their cookie brands because they fear Oreo would dominate the galactic cookie market and run their cookie brands out of business.

Dictators and body doubles

Body double confusion

Body double confusion

It would suck being friends with a dictator because they always use body doubles. You could make plans to go to a restaurant and it is basically a blind date, you don’t know who is going to show up. It could be your buddy the dictator or one of his body doubles.

If you show up and it is one of the body doubles, you can’t leave because that would arouse suspicion. So you have to spend the entire evening talking to a complete stranger. Also the dictator probably avoided the restaurant because he suspected danger, so now you and the body double have to spend the rest of the evening looking for assassins and posion in the food.

Camels are better than horses for police mounts

Camels better than horses for police mounts

Camels better than horses for police mounts

I think that camels should be used as police mounts.

Criminals know horses. But camels throw them off, they don’t know what they are going to do. Every criminal knows carrots work on horses. But will a carrot work on a Camel? Who knows?

Camels are also mean, bite, and spit all the time so they are more effective at crowd control. No one is going to want to challenge a camel unless they want their hair or hat chewed up.

Camels also provide a good source of work jokes. Man that sergeant is busting our hump.

States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL

Syncing up with Dark Side of the moon

Syncing up with Dark Side of the moon

The two states that have legalized marijuana both have teams going to the Super Bowl. That isn’t fair. Marijuana gives those teams an unfair advantage just like Gatorade did with the Florida Gators in the 60’s. The Gators won the Orange Bowl in 1966 because they had Gatorade and the other team didn’t.

Marijuana gives teams a level of team unity and comradery that doesn’t exist naturally. Football teams are supposed to be full of hotheads and showboats. But marijuana unites those players like the Von Trapp family or a badass eleven cat Voltron. They stay up together forever detailing the symbolism of SpongeBob or they review game tape obsessively, seeing if it syncs up with Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon.

Marijuana needs to be legalized in every state so teams have the same access to it. Or the NFL needs to establish team weed caps, so that the league stays competitive. Then if a team breaks their weed cap, they would face a weed cap reduction or be forced to forfeit draft picks.

States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL.

States with legalized marijuana have an unfair advantage in the NFL.

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